Dr. James Cordova - The Mindful Path to Intimacy

Thoughts on Record: Podcast of the Ottawa Institute of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy

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Clinicians will often hear their clients express deeply felt needs, only to admit they’ve never shared them with their partner—usually due to fear of vulnerability or a defensive, adversarial dynamic that makes intimacy feel unsafe. In today’s episode, we are joined by Dr. James Cordova—Professor of Psychology at Clark University and creator of The Relationship Checkup—to discuss his new book, The Mindful Path to Intimacy. Dr. Cordova’s book offers a powerful framework for understanding and transforming these relational patterns through the lens of mindfulness, compassion, and shared vulnerability.

In our conversation, we explore:

• Why intimacy is often more terrifying than people expect—and why it’s worth the risk
• How mindfulness can serve as both a spiritual and relational practice
• The idea that attention is the most basic form of love
• Why many couples shift from infatuation to frustration, and what can be done about it
• How interpersonal neurobiology helps us understand the push-pull of closeness and withdrawal
• Ways to navigate shame, trauma histories, and fear of being fully seen in love
• What distinguishes couples who flourish from those who simply coexist.

Dr. James Cordova is a Professor of Psychology at Clark University and the creator of The Relationship Checkup, a pioneering, preventative intervention designed to assess and strengthen couples’ relationships before problems escalate. He has led major research initiatives—including a $1.3M Department of Defense-funded RCT with Lt. Colonel Jeffrey Cigrang and a $1M NIH grant—demonstrating the model’s effectiveness in both military and civilian populations. As founder and president of Arammu: The Relationship Checkup, Inc., Dr. Cordova is scaling this approach nationwide, training over 1,000 military counselors and integrating the model into primary care. He is the author of The Marriage Checkup, The Story of Mu, and The Mindful Path to Intimacy, the latter of which offers mindfulness-based tools for cultivating emotional and spiritual connection.

To learn more about Dr. Cordova and his work, visit:
https://relationshipcheckup.com
Or check out his latest book, The Mindful Path to Intimacy, from Guilford Press.