Reviving Friendships That Drifted Apart (even decades later): Kay Paschal

Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship

What if your next good friend is an old friend who drifted away from your life for reasons of circumstance and not personality or hurt feelings? If you're in a stage of life where you're lonely, you've moved, or you simply want to shake up your social life, your next solid friendship might be waiting for you in "the past." Yes, reviving old friendships could be the missing piece in your current friendships. Maybe you went to college with this friend, worked together, sat on the bleachers when the kids were young, or met from any number of ways we connect with others. Not all past friendships merit a revival, but some do!

My guest is author Kay Paschal, who shares her story of having a really tight group of friends in her 20s who welcomed her back in after decades of little time together. Now retired, Kay is reflective on friendships in a way that inspired me. I think you'll enjoy what she has to say.

Some other points discussed in the episode:

• This very natural fade is somewhat related to episode #109 with Dr. Miriam Kirmayer about "quiet quitting." Kay and I are discussing reviving those friendships when it might fill out your social world in a different stage of life.
• Friendships fade when "the third place" disappears. (Example: You're no longer on the bleachers together watching the kids play baseball.)
• The often quoted study about replacing friends every seven years. (Comes up in many episodes!)
• Avoid burning a bridge in relationships.
• Developing an "open-door policy" in your mindset about past friendships
• Look for a friend, not a group.
• Thank that friend who does so much of the planning and inviting! (Shout out to Kay's friend, Linda.)
• The natural feelings of wondering why you weren't invited when certain members of a group get together without you.
• Kay: "You can't invite 10 people to everything you do."

Meet Kay Paschal:

After founding and owning 2 private preschools for 25 years in Atlanta, Kay started a new career by writing a book and speaking to moms and women's organizations and participating in parenting conferences around the country. Kay's book, Insert Giggle Giggle: Laughing Your Way through Raising Kids and Running a Business was recognized by Zibby Owens Media as a Finalist, Best Book for the Parent. Kay also hosts a podcast on Spotify, Kay's Gigglecast, with short, 10-minute grabs on women issues that are easy to consume while multi-tasking through your day. Find Kay on her website and on Instagram.

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