Ask Justin Transitioning And Having Sex Again

Culture Sex Relationships

Hey! My question is about transitioning and sex. First some background information: My partner is non-binary and I'm genderqueer. Both are assigned female at birth. My partner's "gender journey" has been difficult, but I think they are finally coming into their own (they have been having trans affirming medical care). We have been together for six years. For the first two years we used to have regular sex, and my partner would usually take initiative. After figuring out their gender, the recurrence of sex has become less and less, and now we go months without having sex or more intimacy than light kisses and some cuddling. Their difficulties have a lot to do with ___________ I'm at my wit's end, getting more and more desperate to have intimacy with my partner. Even talking about it makes them stressed, ashamed and sad. So I feel like there is nothing I can do - I can't initiate (they feel pressured) or try to talk about it with them. We have gone to couple's therapy before, which has helped us in understanding each other more and better communicate, but when it comes to sex we are stuck. Some part of me hopes that getting _________ will help, but of course, there is no certainty in that. A year ago I almost broke up with my partner (some other things were going on, but most of it stems from lack of intimacy), and although we recommitted, I think my partner still feels very insecure about it. I feel hopeless, rejected, unattractive (although my partner tries to reassure me it's not me) and - to be honest - sexually frustrated. I really don't know what to do! My partner expresses that they would like to have sex in theory, but rarely feel like it. The few times we have sex it is good (as far as I can tell for both parts). How can I navigate this? What can I do to help my partner? Sorry for a very long question, I hope you will try to answer it :) Firstly I say I'm sorry that this sounds really difficult. I talked about my own experience of being in a long relationship with little sex and that we broke up (and I'm now very happy). I said that I would return to this at the end as an option, but didn't. So just to say here, you could in fact break up. Might help to get away from trying to find cause and effect, or problem and solution. Gets us away from particular aspects of the gender transition having a particular affect Everything is matter and it's all related to each other, which means that things can have self causing causes. What does that idea do? Sex can be a place where gender becomes Puberty (here's my puberty resource at BISH https://www.bishuk.com/bodies/puberty/ ) Instead of making your bodies do what they were doing before together, what else can they do? The body without organs? We don't know what the body is capable of Different kinds of sex / intimacy. Here's that episode about gender affirming therapy https://soundcloud.com/culturesexrelationships/gender-affirming-therapy Different kinds of relationships The exception! When you do have sex what is good? How do you know? Best hopes conversation