ERP 287: How To Engage In The Art Of Giving And Receiving: Using The Wheel Of Consent - An Interview With Dr. Betty Martin


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On today's episode of The Empowered Relationship Podcast, you'll hear Dr. Betty Martin really inviting the practice of slowing down and exploring not only our partner’s needs, but equally as importantly, our own needs. We discuss how her work as a sex educator and her exploration of somatic-based therapy inspired her to create her Wheel of Consent framework, which illustrates that when we're sexual, we move between four different zones.

Dr. Betty will step us through the four zones of the wheel and gives examples to illustrate the practice of taking turns giving and receiving pleasure. She shares her insights into negotiating boundaries and sets the stage for having a productive conversation about your needs with your partner. Dr. Betty also explores why we start your experience outside the bedroom fully clothed rather than with genital touch and describes where to find additional resources that will help us open the gateway to emotional and spiritual fluency.

Dr. Betty Martin has been working with people professionally for over 40 years. She was a Chiropractor for 30 years and upon retiring from that practice, became a certified Surrogate Partner, Sacred Intimate, and Somatic Sex Educator. Her explorations in somatic-based therapy and practices informed her creation of the framework, The Wheel of Consent®.

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

In this episode:

08:16 The framework of the Wheel of Consent and what got Dr. Betty interested in creating it

13:45 The practice of taking turns and respecting boundaries and how that helps you understand your own physical needs

16:22 Why it’s so uncommon for couples to be connected into different roles and often forget to be explicit about wanting to make love

18:00 Tips on using the Wheel of Consent and laying the groundwork for giving your partner the gift of touch with a full heart

20:58 Unlike your regular sexual play, you should take time to negotiate what you need and incorporate pauses to ensure everyone is comfortable

22:16 This is a practice that you keep coming back to it over and over, but you start on the couch and don't include genital touch until you played it 20 or 30 times, or you’ll get right back into the same habits that produced the same results before

24:06 Why saying no allows you to say yes

33:41 Dr. Betty explains things that see people typically work through that gives them some insight into current challenges

37:25 The model allows people to come in contact with their guilt and fear of rejection — Dr. Betty describes what she recommends for people as they confront their somatic pain

39:29 What you expect as an outcome of fully engaging with the Wheel of Consent process


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