19 How Men Turn Pain Into Unbreakable Strength (ft. Alan Lazaros) Grit Part 1

The American Masculinity Podcast

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Most men think grit means suffering in silence — but they’re dead wrong. In this episode, Tim Wienecke sits down with Alan Lazaros, Co-Host of Next Level University, to challenge the myth that toughness is endless grinding. From growing up fatherless to surviving a near-fatal car crash, Alan shares how sadness can signal growth, how mentors fill the gap of absent fathers, and why grit is less about white-knuckle endurance and more about skills you build through reflection and practice.

What You’ll Learn:
• Why sadness and setbacks often mark growth, not weakness
• How mentorship can buffer the impact of father absence
• Why grit is a skill you can learn, not a trait you’re born with
• How self-control strengthens your brain’s “willpower network”
• Why men avoid therapy and what that means for resilience
• The truth behind the “3% written goals” myth

Chapters:
00:00 – Defining grit vs. grind
02:15 – Father absence & mentorship
05:30 – Growth and the “Santa Claus” analogy
09:30 – Grit as a learned skill
16:00 – The car crash that changed everything
22:00 – Fitness as metaphor for grit
29:00 – Willpower and the brain
37:00 – Men bond side-by-side
45:00 – Why so few men go to therapy
52:00 – The written goals myth
59:00 – Takeaways and next steps

Full Show Notes: www.empoweredchangece.com/americanmasculinity

→ Next Level University: https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/
→ Alan Lazaros on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

The American Masculinity Podcast™ is hosted by Timothy Wienecke — licensed psychotherapist, Air Force veteran, and men’s advocate.
Real conversations about masculinity, mental health, growth, and how men can show up better — as partners, leaders, and friends.
We focus on grounded tools, not yelling or clichés. If you have questions or want a tool for something you're wrestling with, leave a comment or send a message — your feedback shapes what we build next.
Note: While this doesn’t replace therapy, it might help you notice something worth exploring.

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1. Defining Grit vs. Grind Grit = willingness to fail, not endless grind (00:00:00)

2. Father Absence & Mentorship Mentors can fill the “dad gap” (00:02:15)

3. Growth & Sadness Sadness = growth, maturity comes from hard truths (00:05:30)

4. Grit as a Learned Skill Discipline is built, not born (00:09:30)

5. Alan’s Car Crash Tragedy can spark transformation (00:16:00)

6. Fitness as Life Metaphor “You vs. you” reveals your true grit (00:22:00)

7. Willpower & the Brain Willpower strengthens with use (like a muscle) (00:29:00)

8. Men Bond Side-by-Side Male friendships thrive through activity (00:37:00)

9. Why Men Avoid Therapy Men seek help half as often as women (00:45:00)

10. The Written Goals Myth Don’t fall for self-help “urban legends” (00:52:00)

11. Takeaways & Next Steps Grit is about standards, reflection, and community (00:59:00)