Esther Perel ON: Finding Love & the Real Reason Couples Break Up


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Esther Perel talks with Jay Shetty about how the quality of our relationships affect our daily life, the right mindset when seeking love, creating a connection, or keeping a partnership, and the biggest relationship challenges during the pandemic.

Belgian psychotherapist Esther Perel is a New York Times bestselling author, speaker and podcast host. Her celebrated TED talks have garnered more than 30 million views and she is also the host of the popular podcast Where Should We Begin? and How's Work?. Her newest project is Where Should We Begin - A Game of Stories. Learn more at

What We Discuss with Esther:

  • 00:00 Intro
  • 02:17 The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives
  • 04:37 Relationship challenges while in quarantine and lockdown
  • 08:55 Approaching a relationship at times of pressure
  • 13:26 Resetting expectations of ourselves and boundaries of our space
  • 18:23 When you’re putting an effort but your partner is unresponsive
  • 22:14 Skills we lost in the pandemic and the skills we gained
  • 27:47 Playing the ‘Where Should We Begin?’ game
  • 33:58 Asking boring questions makes you feel that people are boring
  • 36:48 Relationships about death, sex, and money
  • 39:48 The intention or mindset one should approach love and relationships when seeking out a partner
  • 42:57 From feeling madly in love to then feeling out of love, when they weren’t truly in love
  • 45:36 What are the deepest, truest root reasons that relationships fail?
  • 52:00 Have you been affected by the experience of infidelity in your life?
  • 57:21 When to break up and move, when to stay and hold on
  • 59:55 Fill in The Blanks
  • 01:01:30 Esther on the Final Five
  • 01:06:30 Meeting people who are truly happy and purposeful

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