2. Becky Haggerty: “God, why don’t you care?”

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Today, Capt Becky Haggerty, USAF, shares her story of military life at the intersection of faith, family, and profession.

This episode starts with an original composition from Becky called “I Speak.” She wrote the song in 2015 and says it’s about praying to God and feeling like He’s just not hearing you. That’s a theme that she says would become more applicable in the coming years. You see, Becky’s story is one of battling through anxiety and self-worth. It’s a story that tells of her journey to be in a right relationship with her Heavenly Father even when it seems like life sometimes has more valleys than mountaintops, even when it seems like God just doesn’t care.

As you listen to Becky’s story, here are four questions to ponder:

  1. In her song, Becky sings about speaking to God and feeling as if He isn’t hearing her. Can you recall a time in your military career (or life) when you wondered the same thing? What was your response?
  2. Are you struggling with a mentality of perfectionism, or some of the attributes that often accompany it—inadequacy, self-worth, and self-hate? What do you think drives you to strive for being perfect?
  3. How do you cope with the stresses of military life? What spiritual support systems do you have in place?
  4. When you face trials and tribulations, and life just isn’t going as planned, do you find yourself wanting to rush to the mountaintop and focus on being only optimistic, or do you take time to rest in your struggles and see how God might be trying to grow you—even if it’s uncomfortable? Why?

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Email me at podcast@ocfusa.org or josh.jackson@ocfusa.org.

You can listen to her song in its entirety at the end of the episode, starting at 40:27. Here are the lyrics to “I Speak”:

I speak.

I speak, can you hear me?

Lord, can you hear me?

And I speak,

Cause they tell me you’re near.

So I speak.

And I speak.

But I don’t know where we’re headed, or where we’ll go.

And I can’t see in the distance what you already know.

And I can’t feel your redemption washing me as white as snow.

So I let go,

Give you control,

And I speak, on my knees.

Lord, teach me to trust you.

Cause you’re all I have.

I’m alive through you.

So with this breath in my lungs, these scars on my heart…

I’m here, nowhere to start,

So I speak.

And I speak.

Cause you hear me.

You’re near; hear my prayers.

Yes, you’re near; hear my prayers. (repeats twice)

God, I can’t see beyond me. I can’t let go.

At times I feel so hopeless. Why is this so?

Help me to hand to you my heart, my mind, my soul.

Jesus, let’s go… we’ll walk this road.

Jesus, you know… mine eyes please show.

When I speak.

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