How to Practice Self-Compassion with Enneagram Types 1-4

Authentic Men's Group podcast

Using Self-Compassion With The Enneagram

We often hear messages about what we need to fix or change. But what if the real invitation is to see and celebrate the unique way we’re wired?

What if our greatest strength is learning how to show up with kindness to the exact story we’re living?

The Enneagram isn’t about putting you in a box—it’s about helping you see the unique beauty of your wiring and how to live it out with grace. Ian Morgan Cron says, “The Enneagram doesn’t tell you who you are; it tells you who you think you have to be.” And in doing so, it also gently invites you back to your true self. The Enneagram helps us become more present to ourselves and others—not more perfect.

Today, we’re walking through all 9 Enneagram types, not to critique, but to honor. To celebrate. To invite a more compassionate relationship with the parts of us we often overlook. And we’re joined by AMG coach and life coach Stephen Nichols, who has walked with countless men through this work.

TYPE 1 – THE REFORMER

• You bring a deep sense of integrity and justice to the world.

• You have an inner compass that naturally points to truth, fairness, and doing what’s right—even when it’s hard.

• Your drive to improve things is powerful and needed, especially in a world that often accepts “good enough.”

• You instinctively see how systems, people, and environments could be better—and you work to close the gap.

• Ian Morgan Cron notes that Type 1s often have a clear vision of how things should be—and that clarity is a gift to the world.

• When your idealism is paired with self-compassion, it becomes principled leadership and courageous accountability.

• Your high standards aren’t a burden—they’re part of the goodness you bring.

• But remember: you're not here to fix everything. You're here to live with integrity, and that begins with how you treat yourself.

Self-compassion for Type 1 sounds like:

• “My desire to do good is a strength. I can lead with grace as well as discipline.”

• “I bring structure and clarity, and I’m still worthy even when things aren’t perfect.”

• “I don’t have to be perfect to be worthy of love and respect.”

• “I am a good man and still make mistakes.

• “Discipline and grace can coexist within me.”

You create order in chaos. And in your presence, others feel safe and steady.

TYPE 2 – THE HELPER

• Your heart is immense—you notice needs others miss and offer love without needing a reason.

• You’re the one who shows up when others forget, who remembers birthdays, who brings soup, who notices when someone looks tired or off.

• Your attention is love in action, quietly and powerfully felt.

• As Suzanne Stabile teaches, Type 2s are often the emotional backbone of their communities—offering connection, hospitality, and empathy that binds people together.

• Your strength lies in your ability to feel what others feel and respond with genuine warmth and care.

• When you turn that same compassion toward yourself, you become even more powerful—grounded, resilient, and rooted in love that flows both ways.

• Your worth isn’t based on what you give—it’s in who you are, even when your hands are empty.

Self-compassion for Type 2 sounds like:

• “My ability to care is a gift, and I’m allowed to receive care too.”

• “I am deeply lovable, not for what I do—but for who I am.”

• “My needs matter just as much as anyone else’s.”

• “I am loved for who I am, not just what I do.”

• “It’s okay to say no and still be a good man.”

You bring warmth, connection, and generosity to the spaces you enter. That’s real power.

TYPE 3 – THE ACHIEVER

• You carry a fire to move things forward with clarity, confidence, and bold vision.

• You’re driven, goal-oriented, and instinctively know how to get things done.

• You have a gift for reading a room, adapting quickly, and casting a vision that rallies people into action.

• You bring direction and momentum to teams, relationships, and projects.

• Ian Cron notes that Threes are the most adaptable and inspiring performers—able to shift and lead with excellence.

• Beneath the drive is a tender, human need to be loved for who you are—not just for what you do.

• When you slow down and reconnect with your deeper self, you find that your worth was never tied to performance.

• Your true strength includes your ability to be authentic, vulnerable, and present—not just polished and productive.

Self-compassion for Type 3 sounds like:

• “My drive is beautiful—and I don’t have to earn my worth.”

• “I’m valuable, even when I’m resting.”

• “Even when I slow down, I’m still enough.”

• “I am valuable beyond what I accomplish.”

• “Failure doesn’t define me—how I treat myself does.”

• You inspire others to dream bigger, act bolder, and believe in what’s possible.

TYPE 4 – THE INDIVIDUALIST

• You feel the depth and complexity of life in a way most people never touch.

• Your creativity and sensitivity give voice to the human experience in its rawest, most beautiful forms.

• You notice subtle layers of emotion, longing, and beauty that others often overlook or rush past.

• Suzanne Stabile calls Fours the torchbearers of emotional truth—willing to feel what others avoid.

• You remind the world that feeling deeply is not weakness—it’s wisdom, strength, and sacred insight.

• Your presence brings permission for others to be real, to feel, and to show up authentically.

• When you practice self-compassion, you become a beacon of honesty, healing, and depth.

• You teach us all that emotional honesty isn’t just allowed—it’s necessary for true connection.

Self-compassion for Type 4 sounds like:

• “My emotions are not a flaw—they’re my superpower.”

• “I bring beauty and meaning to the world just by being me.”

• “My emotions are valid, and I’m not broken.”

• “I can be unique and still connected to others.”

• “Pain doesn’t isolate me—it unites me with humanity.”

You help others feel seen, understood, and reminded that they’re not alone in their longing.

CLOSING

No matter where you land on the Enneagram, you bring something good and true into the world. You don’t need to change who you are—you need to honor it. Self-compassion is how you do that. It’s not about self-indulgence. It’s about self-acceptance.

The Enneagram isn’t a problem to fix. It’s a mirror that shows your natural design—and the gifts you carry. As Stabile reminds us, the goal isn’t to be better than your number—it’s to be a healthier version of the one you already are.

So take this with you: You are already enough. Not someday. Not when you get it right. Now.

We’ll drop a free link to the AMG Assessment in the notes so you can find out your type. Bring what resonated into your next AMG group, or share it with a friend who needs to hear it.

You were made to thrive—and the best way to do that is by being fully, authentically you.