When older siblings have trouble with the arrival of T1D

Sweet Talk for Parents of Kids with Type One Diabetes

The oh-so-frequently forgotten siblings of our T1D kids! In this week’s podcast episode, a concerned mom and dad come on together to think through what’s been happening with their 6-year old, in the aftermath of their 3 year-old’s relatively recent diagnosis.

The picture here is a bit complicated: At first, this older brother was accepting and helpful, in the same way that older siblings often are when a new baby arrives in the house. But as time went on — and the older brother recognized that diabetes was in the house to stay — his behavior shifted. He now avoids items touched by his younger sibling, expresses some fears of contamination and is pretty rejecting of his younger brother.

What’s a parent to do? We take a pretty deep dive, trying to untangle all the possibilities of what this 6 year-old’s behavior means, what he’s trying to express, and how to effectively address it.

First and foremost, I talk with these parents about validating their son’s experience. After all, when diabetes comes to a family, siblings are often sidelined. Acknowledging that to a kid can be really calming for them, allowing them to feel seen and understood, even when they aren’t getting the attention that they used to get — and that they still deserve. Mom shares a moment when she did a beautiful job validating their son’s experience — and got such a strongly positive response from her boy. I encourage them to do this more, more, more, reminding them that their son’s feelings have been building for a while and will take a while to unravel.

We explore other possibilities as well: one-on-one time with this older sib; setting clear limits on inappropriate behaviors, with clear consequences; and finding good books that talk about the ways that little siblings can be hard to adjust to for their older brothers and sisters. And while I talked to them about the ways that some of this sibling conflict might be completely normal, I also encouraged these parents to keep a close eye: This older brother has such a strong concept of his younger brother being “contaminated,” that if that continues over time, I think they should consult with their pediatrician to see if they should have their son assessed for OCD. While so many of these kinds of behaviors are normal as our kids grow and change — especially in the face of a trauma like a type 1 diagnosis — I don’t want this family to let a problem fester, if they ultimately need more support for their son.

Hope you enjoy the show!