Mac and Me: When Unsettling Aliens and Misguided Fast-Food Sponsorship Collide

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Are you ready for a heartwarming story about a young boy, befriending an alien lost and far from home while its relatives wander a frightening new landscape in search of their lost child? How about a lesson in friendship and determination, as two people from different worlds work together to overcome obstacles while discovering the true meaning of family? We would have LOVED all of that, but we already reviewed E.T. a few episodes ago, so now we have to slum it a bit. Welcome to Mac and Me, the nightmarish union of a certain fast food chain and feverish nightmares induced by tainted cocaine and decades of emotional trauma.

Reluctantly join us as we bravely march in front of you, shielding you from one of the most bizarre movies the 80’s ever produced. Is it a true sci-fi cult classic in the purest sense? Or is it an hour and a half of insanity that single-handedly paid many a psychotherapist’s salary? We aren’t sure, but we’re pretty confident that a healthy amount of recreational narcotics were involved in the writing and directing of this thing. Mac and Me is technically a movie, in the same way that Benny’s kids are technically children - they exist, but they disappoint everyone who lays eyes on them.

Grab a Quarter pounder, crack laced fries and a bucket-sized cup of soda as Jay and Benny ponder such chicken nuggets as:

• It’s 2021. If the NASA of Mac and Me can fly an autonomous probe to an extra-solar world, gather samples and entire alien families, and return to earth unscathed, when do we get our robot drilling into the oceans of Europa?
• Can 80’s movies please find some kids who can actually act? Because this movie certainly couldn’t
• Nothing screams 80's like a square van with shag benches and venetian blinds on the windows
• We would be remiss not to mention that there are very few moments in life when a wheelchair-bound child falling off a cliff is hilarious. Welcome to one of those moments
• Can the costume designers of this movie take it easy and dial the nightmare fuel down a few notches? The flesh-coloured naked aliens wandering the desert still haunt us to this day
• The only thing more disturbing than a 10 minute dance montage in a McDonald’s restaurant is the gang of hoodlums aggressively attack-dancing at federal agents
• We cannot stress enough how absolutely, mind-bendingly bonkers the last 15 minutes of this movie are. The entire tone and mood takes such a hard right turn that your neck will be sore for days
• Seriously, we mean it. This movie goes from light hearted alien-buddy flick to what-the-actual-$@%# with guns, gas stations blowing up, aliens walking out of flames, and wheelchair kids dying
• We don’t want to spoil anything, but there is an alternate fate for wheelchair kid. It is absolutely worth looking up, and will forever change your life