Milton‘s Musings presents TS Eliot‘s Mr. Mistoffelees

The Tory: Perspectives and Poems: Dr Pratt Datta

MR. MISTOFFELEES

You ought to know Mr. Mistoffelees! The Original Conjuring Cat— (There can be no doubt about that). Please listen to me and don't scoff. All his Inventions are off his own bat. There's no such Cat in the metropolis; He holds all the patent monopolies For performing surprising illusions And creating eccentric confusions. At prestidigitation And at legerdemain He'll defy examination And deceive you again. The greatest magicians have something to learn From Mr. Mistoffelees' Conjuring Turn. Presto! Away we go! And we all say: OH! Well I never! Was there ever A Cat so clever As Magical Mr. Mistoffelees!

He is quiet and small, he is black From his ears to the tip of his tail; He can creep through the tiniest crack, He can walk on the narrowest rail. He can pick any card from a pack, He is equally cunning with dice; He is always deceiving you into believing That he's only hunting for mice. He can play any trick with a cork Or a spoon and a bit of fish-paste; If you look for a knife or a fork And you think it is merely misplaced— You have seen it one moment, and then it is gawn! But you'll find it next week lying out on the lawn. And we all say: OH! Well I never! Was there ever A Cat so clever As Magical Mr. Mistoffelees!

His manner is vague and aloof, You would think there was nobody shyer— But his voice has been heard on the roof When he was curled up by the fire. And he's sometimes been heard by the fire When he was about on the roof— (At least we all heard that somebody purred) Which is incontestable proof Of his singular magical powers: And I have known the family to call Him in from the garden for hours, While he was asleep in the hall. And not long ago this phenomenal Cat Produced seven kittens right out of a hat! And we all said: OH! Well I never! Did you ever Know a Cat so clever As Magical Mr. Mistoffelees!