Season 1, Episode 70: The WAP Café—Plus, Carla’s Pussy Stalks a Stinger!

The Hate Napkin

EPISODE 70 SYNOPSIS

The WAP Café—Plus, Carla’s Pussy Stalks a Stinger!

Co-host Arik poses the following question: “Can’t we all agree that an igloo is a pretty stupid place to put a glory hole?”

Folks, it’s all downhill from there.

Arik’s credit card was recently used fraudulently for a membership to an Innuit porn site. In order to make a fraud report with the bank, he had to wait on-hold for 30 minutes to the hair-pulling-annoying background sound of marimba music—only to be ultimately informed that the department was closed for the day. “By the end, I was ready to suffocate cancer babies!”

Sound engineer Pauly from Bali has also been under aural attack, of late. Every time he goes into a quiet café in Ho Chi Minh City, the polite, hospitality-minded foreigners blast loud American music in an effort to make him feel at home. “It’s annoying as hell, but what’s funny is when they play these raunchy sex rap songs, totally ignorant of the lyrics. ‘You like?’ ‘Yes, yes, I just LOVE wet ass pussy!’”

Special guest Carla from Burnt Korn, Alabama, is fed up with airline in-flight rage. This week, a passenger attacked a flight attendant for the refusal to use a first-class bathroom. Of course, the irony is that said assailant had to spend the rest of the flight zip-tied and duct-taped to his seat, yet still needed to go number two.

Arik’s solution: “Sir, if you don’t like our policy, we invite you to open up the emergency exit door and leave. But, seriously, I think everyone would calm down a bit if flight attendants just started showing a bit more cleavage. This applies to the men, too. Show off that chest hair, boys. And, pilots, why don’t you come on out halfway through the flight and put on a little Chippendales show.”

Also, Carla recounts an encounter with a racist couple on a former flight. And Arik shares why he’ll never fly Haitian Air again: “There’s nothing quite like the sound of a plane engine stopping when all you can see out the window is ocean.”

Finally, Carla’s pussy tracks a stinger!

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