194 - One Hundred Ninety Four

Breaker Whiskey

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[TRANSCRIPT]

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I had the thought—Harry’s contact, whoever they were, whoever she had worked things out with at the…well, whoever it was she was working with, I didn’t ask, I was still so fucking—

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They have to be here, right? And it’s not like I’m some great friend of Johnny Law, but surely whoever it was, if they are here, they’d still care about stuff like someone getting murdered. Maybe…maybe I could get them to help me find Harry, or figure out what the fuck to do about Junior.

If that person is out there, they’d be in New York, right? They’d have to be. And so would Pete and Don and Richie—hell, maybe even Sylvie, though just like Francis, she was already in her golden years so I’m not sure—

Well, regardless, I’m halfway to New York. I don’t think it matters if I tell you I’m headed there, because if there’s one place that’s good to disappear, it’s New York. Even without all the people, there’s hundreds of streets and thousands of buildings and millions of rooms to hide away in. Even if you got on the highway right now and raced there, I still don’t think you’d be able to find me.

Which…maybe doesn’t bode well for the likelihood of me finding any of my old crew—or whoever Harry was conspiring with—but at least I have an idea of where to look—apartments, old hangouts, penthouses we’d robbed that I’m sure any of us would take advantage of living in now…I’m not going in totally blind.

God, it would be nice to have someone else with me. I mean, that’s always been true, after the first few weeks of getting some fucking real alone time for the first time in six years, after I’d come down from the righteous fury that was still—

Well, it was nice, for half a second. To be on my own, to be totally unfettered. But for most of this extended roadtrip, it would’ve been nice to have someone by my side. Navigating, scanning the radio channels for anything, playing road games or whatever. Driving so that I could sleep in the passenger seat.

So there’s rarely been a moment where I didn’t want someone with me. But right now…there’s a reason I started running with a crew when Pete invited me, instead of carrying on on my own. I’d been doing fine, pulling in decent hauls by myself, but even though you’ve got more people who have noisy fucking footsteps or who might make a stupid mistake that might cost you, it always feels…safer with someone else around.

I wish I had someone to watch my back. I wish I had someone to help me find Harry.

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