Resentment is Relationship Cancer

Romancipation

S4 Episode 6: Resentment is Relationship Cancer

Episode Summary

Resentment is natural and inevitable. Hence the reason it is responsible for so many relationships coming to an end. It can come from internal or external sources and can wreak havoc on your love life. Every person should be aware of what their resentment triggers are, and clearly communicate them to their partner.
Whether it is a power imbalance, mistreatment or feelings of inadequacy, you must be vigilant with how your partner’s behavior and actions are impacting your feelings about the relationship. Letting things fester is never a good idea, nor is ignoring an issue that keeps coming up.
Empathy is the best way to combat resentment. By actively placing yourself in your partner’s shoes, you may be able to catch yourself or a situation before it breeds negative feelings. Practice self-awareness and ask your partner to do the same. Together you can manage any feelings of resentment by addressing them head-on.
At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when your partner lets you fight their battles with family, friends and work colleagues.

Show Notes

Resentment is a heavy word, and it can also have a heavy impact on your relationship. It is the number one relationship killer. It’s an open wound that kills the relationship if it’s not taken care of. Once it sets in, it’s next to impossible to erase it unless you’re aware, thoughtful, and intentional about ridding your relationship of resentment.
Power imbalances, feeling mistreated, and disrespect can lead to resentment. The moment something is perceived as unfair, it makes space for this feeling to sink in. The experience itself is quite common and almost unavoidable, so the key is identifying when it’s building before it takes over your relationship.
Communicating your wants and needs can keep resentment at bay. However, it’s also just as important to hear your partner’s wants and needs, too. Keep in mind that these can also evolve over time on both sides. Infidelity, financial irresponsibility, and decisions made when raising children are all circumstances that can welcome resentment.
Lack of privacy, lack of free time, and lack of alone-time are also smaller issues that can lead to significant feelings of resentment. It can also come from past trauma – without a person even consciously realizing it. The cure for resentment is empathy. Place yourself in your partner’s position, so you can appreciate and address their resentment.
In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner makes you the bad guy to save face. It’s manipulative, pathetic, and it violates boundaries. It is an underhanded way of letting someone else fight your battles for you. Nothing speaks to a lack of respect of your partner quite like this.
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