Andrea Owen: Unlearning in Order to Speak Our Minds (Episode 233)

Productive Flourishing

Andrea Owen returns to the show to talk about her new book, Make Some Noise. She and Charlie talk about the unlearning we all need to do to be able to speak our minds, with a specific focus on how challenging this is to do for women, and why. They also discuss the importance of unlearning through your own process.

Key Takeaways:

[3:00] - Andrea talks through the trajectory of this book compared to her previous book, given the current climate of women’s empowerment and looking back into the culture that raised us.

[6:50] - Her book gets to the root of many issues, and sometimes that’s uncomfortable. But going out of our way to make people comfortable with the conversation sometimes can exclude people from entering the conversation as their authentic selves.

[11:30] - Charlie and Andrea talk about the idea of generational transmissions, and how the same head trash that affected our parents and grandparents still affects us today.

[13:33] - One of the best tools Andrea has learned is to get curious about why you’re acting the way that you are. It doesn’t mean you are wrong for it, but it’s valuable to explore where that’s coming from.

[17:25] - Andrea talks about the pendulum of “the norm” over the past few years, and the wake up call we all received around 2016. As the pendulum is moving back towards the middle, we will be able to have candid and vulnerable conversations that are necessary to unpack “the norm” to move forward to real social change.

[25:50] - Charlie and Andrea talk about some of the reasons it’s so difficult for women to initiate difficult and vulnerable conversations, as they are often waiting for other people to take care of their needs. It starts with this unpacking and unlearning of the conditioning and socialization that we’ve received.

[28:10] - Andrea walks us through the four steps of unlearning: 1. Pay attention 2. Get curious 3. Self compassion 4. Keep the momentum

[33:50] - In the process of unlearning, there will be feelings of discomfort, and that is okay. The important thing we can be responsible for is our behavior when reacting to those feelings.

[37:00] - Another important topic Andrea includes in the book is money. Women tend to not talk about money and tend to not invest, even though they are often more successful than their male counterparts.

[41:20] - Andrea talks about a specific experience with trying to find a babysitter, and the importance of having important conversations with young girls around their worth. Boys are often socialized much differently even from a young age, especially when it comes to financial worth.

[46:12] - What you charge is not your value; you should charge for the value that you bring, but the value that you bring is not your personal worth.

[47:30] - Andrea talks about the list of things to start and stop doing that is outlined in her book, as well as which she finds most challenging to work on.

[52:55] - Andrea’s invitation for listeners is to think about your conditioning and your socialization, how it is or isn’t serving you, and what you are doing to change it.

Mentioned in This Episode:

Productive Flourishing

Start Finishing, by Charlie Gilkey

Make Some Noise, by Andrea Owen

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