How to Actually Listen

Never in Reverse

How often are you really listening to your loved ones? We all sometimes find our thoughts drifting to other topics when we should be listening to the people we love. In this episode, Jeremy and Doug discuss the importance of listening, understanding, and developing empathy. In a time when much of the country is on pins and needles, it is more important than ever to be able to speak to people we have disagreements with. Showing up authentically is especially important in conversations with our loved ones.

Doug and Jeremy both recount experiences that helped them learn how to show up for their families, both times where they succeeded and times where they faltered. They explain how their upbringings and societal pressures influenced their early outlook on their relationships, and how they broke out of that outlook.

For detailed show notes, navigate using the time stamps below:

[1:18] Doug and Jeremy discuss the post-election environment and how no matter who is president, we all still have to roll up our sleeves and go to work the next day. They also discuss the importance of understanding everyone’s perspectives.

[3:59] Jeremy notes that sometimes we lose track of our importance to other people. He explains a recent experience where a friend went through a difficult breakup and he showed up for that friend. The interaction was not a big deal to Jeremy, but it meant a lot to his friend.

[6:44] Doug brings up the importance of asking for help and being able to lean on each other. We need to learn how to respond to people in an empathetic way and how to receive help when we need it.

[8:56] Doug talks about a recent time where he helped his daughter with a language arts paper. His daughter is dyslexic and struggles with writing, so Doug’s help was extremely important to her.

[11:58] Jeremy and Doug discuss understanding and what helped them become more understanding people. For Jeremy, his wife taught him how to be more vulnerable and grow.

[14:44] Jeremy was taught not to ask for help and feel his emotions. He initially had difficulty showing up emotionally for his wife in his marriage, but he realized with time that the only way to learn to be there for her was to start showing up in small moments. He seeks to understand her emotions to show up for her.

[17:14] Doug gained an understanding of how he thinks through his priorities, and learned to put himself second and the needs of his loved ones first. He recounts his wife’s experience going into labor just as Doug was about to leave for a bachelor party.

[20:41] Doug recognizes that there were many times where he did not listen to his kids and give them the guidance they needed. He has had to learn how to stop and live in the moment.

[23:58] Even now, Jeremy sometimes struggles to live in other people’s moments and listen actively. He fins that his mind always wants to race to the next thought, so he has to be intentional.

[26:24] Not everyone wants a solution. Lots of men instinctually want to fix things, when what the people around them are often looking for is just someone to listen and empathize.

[32:33] Jeremy also notes the utility of saying no to a conversation until you are ready to meaningfully participate – simply telling someone that you are busy and asking to call them back at a time when you can really listen is a powerful tool.

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