A New Beginning

Living Emunah By Rabbi David Ashear

There are many lessons that our Rabbis learn from the case of the בן סורר ומורה -the rebellious wicked son, which apply to Rosh Hashanah. One of them is that Hashem judges a person based on the direction that he's headed in more than on what he has done in the past year. Another one is that the בן סורר ומורה can only be sentenced to his harsh punishment if he committed the crimes in the first three months since he turned thirteen. And that is precisely why the Torah deals with him so harshly. He just turned Bar Mitzvah. Here he is just starting a new beginning and the first things he does are totally against the Torah. There is something special about a new beginning. We are supposed to feel like we have an opportunity to do everything right from the start. These are the feelings we are supposed to have now with Rosh Hashanah upon us. Even if we haven't been the best we could be, now we have a new chance to do things right from the start. One of the best places to begin with is right in our own homes. There is so much pain that people are experiencing all over the world. At least let us do what we can to make our homes places of happiness. We can resolve to give our spouses the attention and warmth that they need to be happy in marriage. We can go out of our way to be sweeter and more patient. A home with shalom bayit is a place where the Shechina dwells. Every little improvement goes a long way. I read a story that a man from Bnei B'rak told about himself. It was late one Erev Rosh Hashanah and he was planning to walk with his family to the other side of Bnei Brak to eat the meal with his wife's family. He told his family how important it was for them to be on time so that he wouldn't be late to the first Arbit of the new year. However, as it often happens, his wife needed extra time to get ready and he was watching the clock and getting more anxious by the minute. Eventually, he saw that he was definitely going to be late to Arbit . Inside, he was so angry. His wife knew it was Rosh Hashanah and how important it was for him to be on time for shul. His patience had reached its limit. And then, finally they were off. As they were walking, he found himself debating whether or not to express his disappointment and frustration to his wife. He said to himself, "Would Hashem want me to vent to my wife now? Or would He rather me treat her with respect, patience and empathy? Was she really trying to make me late or did she just get caught up in things that were important to her?" With that, he decided the best thing he could do to serve Hashem at that moment would be to stay quiet. So he took a deep breath and spoke to his wife as if everything was completely fine. They walked at a nice pace, without her feeling pressured, and had a nice conversation along the way. Indeed, he arrived to shul late and prayed the best he could under the circumstances. While that incident eventually receded to the back of his mind, he noticed something interesting as the year began to unfold. He was enjoying success in all areas on a level that he never experienced. It was so out of the ordinary that it struck him. He was waiting for his mazal to run out, but it continued throughout the year. He thought long and hard why he may have been zocheh to success on such a profound level, but he really didn't have a good answer. He had a typical year before, spiritually, with basically the same strong points and imperfections as usual. The only thing that he could think of was the self-control and patience that he displayed towards his wife on the night of Rosh Hashanah. We can never know for sure, but we do know how valuable it is to perfect our middot and overcome our inclinations to get angry, especially when it comes to our spouses. May Hashem help us start off the new year the right way and help us become the people that we are capable of becoming.