EP247 The Fearlessly Fertile Thanksgiving Throwdown

Fearlessly Fertile Podcast with Rosanne Austin

Got some angst about another family Thanksgiving (or other holidays) with annoying questions and high stress BS? In this episode I’m going to help you dismantle that destructive pattern with some characteristically Fearlessly Fertile awesomeness. Turn this one up on the way to grandma’s house…

Transcript:
Hey Gorgeous, if you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve got to have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy, and the whole clown car of low vibe fertility journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin, Fertility Mindset Master. Former prosecutor and recovering type A control freak perfectionist.

I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43 despite years of fertility treatment failure. I help women across the globe beat the odds on their fertility journey just like I did. Get ready for a quick hit of confidence, joy, feminine badassery, and loads of hell yes for your fertility journey.

It’s time to get fearless baby, fearlessly fertile. Let’s do this. Welcome to the Fearlessly Fertile Podcast, episode 247. The Fearlessly Fertile Thanksgiving Throat Mama. I am so excited to be here with you this week, as I am excited every week, and I hope you never get sick of that, because I never get sick of being excited to be around you.

Shit, when I think of all the things that I have to be thankful for, just every single day, and it’s Thanksgiving week here in the States. It’s just, I don’t know. I just get thrills and chills from all of that. And, and that’s why I wanted to do something really special for you this week and really help you in anticipation of the holiday season.

It’s gonna be Thanksgiving here in the States, as I mentioned. And, you know, this time of year can conjure up a lot of really complicated things for us. Especially as we are navigating our fertility journey. Amongst friends, family, it’s really easy this time of year to get stuck in, Oh shit, another year is going by and I don’t have my baby and all of that insanity that can come up.

So I want to assure you that in this episode, I’ve got your back and I’m going to be presenting you with some ideas. To not only help you begin to navigate some of those scenarios, but to really get you thinking differently about, you know, how we approach holidays, how we approach our family traditions, things like that.

So, before we get into the meat of that, I also want to draw your attention to the fact that Enrollment for Fearlessly Fertile Full Throttle is wide open, sister, and there’s only a few more days left to get your butt enrolled in this truly extraordinary program. I mean, we had so many amazing stories from women who have gone through it, who are pregnant now, who are creating incredible things in their lives, and it’s not just their babies, there’s so much more.

Because you are so much more, right? This journey is a chapter in your life, but it’s not all of your life. And you want the whole freaking enchilada. So Fearlessly Fertile, Full Throttle, it’s my amazing 90 day program. We start January 1st, and we’re going to do a meditation on New Year’s Eve. It’s going to be super special.

It’s going to be a great way to start the year off. But if you want to be 100 percent certain that you have a powerful plan to leverage the most important 90 days of 2024 because look, the way you start your year sets things in motion for the rest of the year. It creates that momentum. So if you know you have a plan for how you’re going to change the way you think you’re going to show up to your journey differently in the first 90 days.

and you have the kind of structure, consistency, and community to make that happen, you’re golden and you can full on go full throttle toward your dream of being a mom in 2024. I have seen women start this program at the beginning of the year and within months, before the end of the year, they are very pregnant.

Not just a little pregnant, they’re very pregnant. They are well into their pregnancy and very close to holding babies in their arms and that is possible for you too. This is what it takes. You, you can’t win on this journey if your mind is, is off in a ditch. Okay, mind and body works together. That’s not woo woo.

That’s a fact. Anyone who thinks that is woo woo simply hasn’t read the data. Okay, so don’t be one of those fools. Get your butt in Fearlessly Fertile full throttle. And we’ll put a link in the to the show notes. So, that being said, let’s do this Thanksgiving throwdown. And I want to Bring your attention to the fact that one of the reasons why this time of year can be so trying is it really brings us face to face with our own belief system about failure.

Okay, and let me, let me explain what I mean by that. Because Unquestionably, we have interactions with friends and family, possibly even co workers that, you know, they’re asking us seemingly benign questions, like, objectively, these are benign, they’re not bad questions, they’re not particularly wary.

Triggering to the, the average person is, Oh, well, what are you doing for Thanksgiving? Are you going to be with family? Blah, bitty, blah, bitty, blah. And that person has no fucking clue that they are busting Pandora’s box wide open in your mind, right? Because then you start just ruminating over, Oh, shit.

There’s another year on this journey. I’m going to have to face my uncle, you know, uncle bullshit, who is always. Asking ridiculous things, saying ridiculous things, or questioning us, or I’ve got that no good cousin of mine that’s always trying to get into my business and can’t help but insult me with getting pregnant at the drop of a hat, you know, the family dynamics can be whatever you want, but when I say that it brings us kind of into this place where it brings us together.

We can fall into our complex feelings about and patterns about failure is because when we’re living this journey and things aren’t going well, our natural, you know, disposition is to look at ourselves as failures. Well, shit, I didn’t get pregnant with any of the IVFs I did this year, or, you know, we’re trying naturally and we just can’t catch a break.

So we look at it as if it’s failure. And there’s nothing like being around family who love to treat you like you were when you were 12 to whether intentionally or unintentionally Get us back into our old childhood patterns about failure. Because think about it, if failure was not acceptable in your family as a child, your quote unquote failures on this journey are gonna feel like, just overwhelming.

Okay, so that you’re walking into your grandma’s house, Not as, uh, you know, amazing Jane who’s fucking splitting the atom in her, in her office every single day. No, you’re coming in as the town failure, the family failure, right? It’s almost like the rest of your personal history doesn’t matter because in your mind you’re creating this kabuki theater that everyone is worried about your fertility, somebody’s gonna say something about it, everyone thinks you’re a failure, you’re the poor sad sack in the family that is heading straight for her forties with no baby in sight.

Okay, so we create that, but what that comes from is our old familial patterns that create within us our attitudes about failure. So what seems like, oh man, I just fucking hate seeing my family in the holidays, and oh, it just sucks massive ass. It’s actually not your family. It’s the family pattern. And if you have not addressed that, you can unfortunately get confused between the pattern And your family, okay?

Now, that doesn’t take your family off the hook. There are some, like, narcissistic, psychotic motherfuckers running around there in our families, right? And we’re like, how did this person even, like, how are we even related, right? So I’m not here making excuses. For your aunt bullshit who’s always going to say something dumb, right?

I’m just saying that within our family units we have patterns and those patterns can be triggering and we find ourselves reduced from a Ph. D., M. D., J. D. or whatever you are into being 12 years old again because your mom asks you a simple question, right? So we can go from, hey, I’m slaying it in my life to being reduced to an utter and complete fucking loser, right?

In a single word our mother says, or brother, or whatever, okay? So, the holidays, and specifically Thanksgiving, because that really is kind of the kickoff of the holiday season. This is your opportunity to truly take your power back. Now, I’m not suggesting you start some fucking holy war with your family, because this is not an external issue.

This is an inside job. Really turning things around for yourself, not only during the holidays, but truly in how you see yourself, how you interact with friends and family and co workers. And in any given situation where there could be triggers and pressure, you know, we’re all pressured to be nice because it’s a holiday season, it’s Christmas, don’t be an asshole, right?

You can take your power back and not be an asshole, right? And even if, and look, there’s gonna be people in your acquaintance and your family that no matter what you do, you’re an asshole, okay? It doesn’t matter how correct you are or how reasonable your position is, you’re still an asshole because you’re the one that rocked the boat.

So in this throwdown, I’m really advocating for you and the highest you, the wisest you, the most authentic you, to take your power back. And this is really about the way that you look at things. You know, you don’t have to have some come to Jesus conversation with any member of your family. I mean, like, this is, it’s, it’s not the time, and frankly, they’re not the issue.

Now, I know you may want to throw darts at me hearing that, like, yeah, I’m sure that there are members of your family that have got fucking issues out the yin yang. What truly controls that interaction is you, because your perceptions are creating your reality. Like, that’s just a fact. That’s not woo woo.

It’s a fact. The way that you perceive any given situation creates the reality that you’re in. So, when you reclaim your power, and when I say reclaim your power, one of the ways that you do that, because there are many facets, To actually doing that, but one of the ways that you begin to do that is taking responsibility for that perception, right?

So let me give you an example. If you have plans to be with family this Thanksgiving and you already know that there’s probably going to be some complexity because there’s family drama or whatever. You just want to get in front of that and make a decision ahead of time about how you are going to be.

Because we have no fucking control over what the people around us are doing. And if you think you do, you think you’re going to do some Jedi mind tricks on old uncle bullshit, Like, I’m just warning you right now, it’s not going to happen. Because people who have the need to be right are narcissistic and whatever.

Litany of things that you want to call them the they seemed their superpowers of being annoying and downright toxic They just go through the roof around the holidays. Like they just take that shit to the next level Okay, it’s like this evil superpower. They have it being exponentially horrific, right?

But this is why I want to keep redirecting you that it’s an inside job. So instead of shapeshifting to meet your family’s expectations, you know, like you did when you were seven in order to be able to get through the day, you know, you’ve got to be in allegiance with you. Like, really think about, you know, what do you want this holiday to be about for you?

What do you want this experience to be? Right? And people create so much story and so much drama about what it means if you don’t show up, or if you cancel last minute, or you up and decide to go to Tahiti with your partner instead of enduring another dry fucking turkey that makes you want to hang yourself.

Like, it, like, it doesn’t matter. Like, what it is. People are going to have their opinions of you, so instead of, as I said, being some kind of a fucking shapeshifter, why don’t you step in to being the person you say you want to be, and instead of being, like, crippled by the quote unquote family way, like what the family always does.

Why don’t you reclaim your power and do what you want to do, right? And even if that means you go to the family event, because you’re like, no, you know what, fuck that, I actually really like hanging out, my mom’s a really good cook, or my dad’s a really good cook, or my stepmom, whatever the fuck your family situation is, beautiful, right?

You say, yeah, I want to do that, but I’m going to do it my way. Okay, that’s one way of taking your power back, is completely predetermining how you are going to be regardless of how anybody else is, right? You stay in your lane. You stay honest with you. If something doesn’t feel awesome, like, say it. Yeah, you know what?

I don’t actually want to do that. That doesn’t really feel good to me. I don’t want to go to Aunt Martha’s house because it’s bullshit, you know, or whatever. Love to Aunt Martha, but you know what? Like, you only have so many years to live. Why continue repeating old familial patterns when they just don’t work for you, right?

I mean, and it’s funny how this, this happens, you know, in our families, it doesn’t matter how much you’re slaying it in your life, like, immediately you walk through your folks door and you’re 12 again. Right? So taking your power back is number one, being in alignment with what you actually want to be doing during the holiday.

Okay? The second part of that is predetermining what your boundaries are. Like, if you’re just not discussing your fertility journey while dad is carving the fucking turkey, don’t be concerned about putting somebody in check. Okay? Most people are emotionally stunted when it comes to this journey, like, because they don’t know, it’s not their experience, and chances are they don’t have ill intent toward you, but they’ll just, anything they can do to fill the, the dead air, they’ll just like throw shit in there.

Like, they think they’re being, you know, nice, but what they’re really doing is being fucking destructive and crazy. But don’t make it an evil thing, right? Just If somebody asks you something that you don’t really want to answer, just be like, Yeah, you know what? I don’t really, I don’t really feel like talking about that right now.

Cool? And that has more to do with your energy than having some, like, amazing comeback for everything that somebody says. You just have to be kind to yourself and know, hey, You know, not being defensive, but being prepared, right? You’re just gonna say, hey, you know what? Sometimes triggering shit happens when I get together with my family.

I’m gonna be like prepared. I’m not gonna be like defensive, but I’m just gonna be prepared. Okay? Hey, uncle bullshit. I’m not really talking about that right now. Pass the cranberry sauce. Having good boundaries does not mean that you have to be confrontational. You’re just clear, right? It’s about clarity, not confrontation.

And the more clear you are and the more aligned you are, you can say that with confidence. So, you know, and I think some of the reason why people just give up on themselves this time of year is because, you know, they just kind of feel like staying in the hurt. Is a way of having certainty, right? Think about how twisted that is, but understandable, right?

So some people won’t do shit about like the the toxic family Situation they have going on or if they’ve got friends around them that you know are not particularly healthy And people start asking questions or doing really insensitive shit, like, it’s, you just have to be in a position where you’re like, okay, I cannot rock the boat for the sake of having the certainty that at least I know how to manage this and at least I know how to get through it, as opposed to creating a new pattern and saying, you know what, actually, don’t allow people to ask me what’s going on in my bedroom, or I’m not going to answer the question about my fertility for the 75th time in 15 minutes, right?

So, you know, This is all about calling in your fearlessness by getting really clear about how you want to be, how you want to show up, bucking old family patterns, and stepping into a new pattern that’s actually positive for you, that you’re getting in front of. And being focused on clarity, not confrontation.

And, look, it doesn’t matter what you say. People are gonna warp it into whatever makes them the victim, or whatever makes them quote unquote right about you. You have no control over that. But you do have control over you. So, with what I’ve shared here, I really want you to think consciously and critically.

About what you want this Thanksgiving and frankly the holiday season to be about for you. Are you just going to keep repeating the old patterns and whatever people have always done in your family without questioning it? Or are you going to get in front of this and say, hey, you know what? I have earned the right to have license and agency over my life.

And if it’s not healthy for me to be around my friends and my family, and it’s better for my partner and I to be laying on a beach in fucking Cancun, book your tickets. Book your tickets because I look I I readily recognize I’m not particularly sentimental about the holidays I don’t particularly care about holiday tradition other than the traditions that I am creating with my own husband and son Because you know everyone around you they just go they go back to their house and they live their family traditions Like why is somebody else’s family traditions?

Why does that have to trump yours, right? And as much as we are families, we are also individuals and giving you and your partner and, you know, this burgeoning family that you’re creating an opportunity to do things your way. What if that’s the best fucking investment you ever make in your family’s autonomy, right?

Because from a practical standpoint, this could be the last Thanksgiving that you have before your baby gets here. I mean, that is my honest to God prayer for you, that if you are not pregnant, that in the next 12 months that you will get and stay pregnant and your, every single one of your dreams comes true when it comes to this baby and more.

So what better way to spend it than exactly as you wish, okay? And I know that’s not Quote unquote normal, but the kind of success that you want in your life is not normal either, right? So who cares about what anyone has to say or what anyone thinks about how you want to approach Thanksgiving and and look I’m not giving you some blanket statement like dump your family I not at all what I am suggesting here in this throwdown is Breaking it down like what really matters to you and what’s the experience that you want to create?

Totally separate of what the quote unquote family way is. What’s your way? What would please you? I mean, because I work with so many lovably type A control freaky professional women, like having a long weekend is kind of a big deal, right? So you, do you necessarily want to go to Aunt Bullshit’s house just because that’s what always happens?

I mean, what if you want to go do something completely different and take advantage of a long weekend with your partner on your terms? Because this could be the last one that you have before you’re pregnant. Right? Like, I like to think of the next thing coming as being even better than the last, right?

So you may find that, hey, this time next year I’ll show up to the family Thanksgiving and I’ll have this bump and we’ll have a great conversation, but for right now that’s not where my heart is. Like, I want to be in Mexico, or I want to be in Europe, whatever the fuck it is. And because ultimately that’s you taking responsibility for your life.

Because your life is your responsibility. Your joy is your responsibility. It is nobody else’s responsibility to make sure you get what you want in this life and have the experience you want. It’s you and you alone, okay? That doesn’t mean that you’re, you know, your partner. You know, is bad or anything like that.

It’s like, look, it’s our responsibility to communicate to the people around us what we want and need, and if they don’t join us in that, that’s totally fine. It doesn’t make them bad people, but we also have a choice to make. It’s our life, right? And just because our partner wants to repeat old family patterns doesn’t mean that we have to.

Right? And you’re like, oh, but Roseanne, I really don’t want to have those fights in the holidays. And it’s like, I’m not suggesting that you have a fight. But what I am suggesting is consider being honest about what’s real for you and give your partner an opportunity to really understand what’s true for you and why that is.

And you know, what, what is so wrong with being fearless and redefining what these holidays may mean for us? Right? Like how revolutionary is that shit? And who cares? And the only reason, and I’m gonna love you enough to be straight with you right now, the only reason why you would avoid this shit is because you’re afraid of what anyone would think about you.

You’re afraid of risking the family ire, right? And, you know, certainly there’s a time and place for that, and you know best when it comes to that, but like, look, if you’re gonna be a mom, the thing that you have to realize is there’s gonna be a lot of shit people want you to do, but it doesn’t feel right to you.

So you may as well flex that muscle now. And show this baby who you really are. Say, Hey, sweetheart, if something doesn’t work for us, mama’s going to stand up for you. Cause mama stand up for herself. Right. I mean, and I’m telling you, like there is a level of freedom and a level of fearlessness that you will attain when you start really trusting you and leaning into the truth in your heart.

And frankly, the more honest you can be with yourself about what you truly want, especially around the holidays, the more honest and real your relationships with the people in your family are going to be. Right? Like I don’t typically spend time with family during the holidays. I have an insanely busy year.

I love my family, but my husband and I long ago made a decision that we were going to do things differently and not because we hate our families, but because we really value our time. And, you know, we want to give Asher incredibly different experiences, right? Like sometimes we have a traditional Christmas, other times we’re on the road.

And we’ll be on the road this year as well. So, you know, we do kind of fun things like that. We just dance to the beat of our own drum. And it’s incredible what happens because when you break out of the matrix of what is normal and what most people do, you get to start having experiences that, you know, most people don’t have and are frankly fucking extraordinary.

So, I hope that What I’ve given you here is helping you disrupt the pattern that you may have running in your mind right now about Thanksgiving and the holidays. Like, hey, there’s no reason why, if you want to change your plans, that you can’t do that. All right? Go fucking do it. Go do it if that’s what’s on your heart.

And even if you want to hang out with family, look, that’s beautiful. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s, it’s amazing. And make sure that you’re speaking your mind, you’re showing up as authentic. I mean, look, every time we get, we have the chance to show people who we really are, we have a chance to enhance those relationships and have them be more authentic, have them truly be connected and based on love, not just on tradition.

So. I also want to, in closing, really send you so much love and my sincere gratitude for being part of this community. You know, I wasn’t kidding at the very beginning of this recording that, you know, it’s, I just think about, All these years ago, you know, when I first started this, like, you know, doing stuff, you know, to maybe a handful of people, like putting out information that would go to a handful of people.

And now hundreds of thousands of women all over the world are listening to this podcast and staying on the journey. They continue focusing on the dream, focusing on the desire and making, you know, incredible things happen in their lives, getting and staying pregnant, having babies in their fifties.

Beating less than 1 percent odds. I mean, you’ve heard some of the stories here, but it is truly my honor to have this platform and have the ability to speak to you in this way. And I’m truly grateful for all the amazing women that I get to work with and all the lives that I get to touch. So, with that being said, just remember that you have the same power within you.

You know, you being truly you, because I just get to be me here. You truly being you is touching lives, and it’s something truly to be grateful for. So, I wish you all an amazing Thanksgiving, or whatever you celebrate this time of year with your families. Go. Disrupt some patterns. Let people really see you.

Get the love that you desire. Because you’re so worth it. And don’t forget, the doors will be closing very soon to Fearlessly Fertile Full Throttle. The 90 day program that starts January 1st, definitely check it out. And for those of you that want to take it to the next level, don’t forget that my Fearlessly Fertile Method program is for women who intend to get pregnant in the next 12 months and say hell yes to covering their bases, mind, and body.

So you don’t have to look back on this time in your life with regret. I work with women who are committed to success to apply for your interview for that program. Go to my website, www.FromMaybeToBaby.com and apply for an interview there. My methodology is help women around the world make their mom dreams come true and their results speak for themselves.

And if you don’t have a mindset for success on this journey, baby, you got a gaping hole in your strategy. Let’s fix that shit and set you up for success. Till next time, change your mindset, change your results. Love this episode of the Fearlessly Fertile podcast. Subscribe now and leave an awesome review.

Remember, the desire in your heart to be a mom is there because it was meant for you. When it comes to your dreams, keep saying, Hell Yes!