Is the problem me or you? 4 steps to take.

Dr Sarah: Heal Trauma Bonding

Have you ever questioned whether it's you who is toxic or if it's your partner?
Here are 4 simple and powerful steps to take to assess where the toxic cycles are coming from and how to end these.
1. Ask yourself, what tendencies do you have when it comes to people or when you're around people? Are you someone who people pleases, becomes anxious about how other's view you, be the first to criticise yourself, or do you distance yourself from others?
2. How does my tendency negatively impact my happiness? For example, does my people pleasing tendency mean that although I want to make others happy, it leaves me feeling deflated, unhappy and resentful because I'm always at the bottom of the pile?
3. How does this appear in my relationship? For example, if I'm people pleasing, I always prioritise my partner and I don't say what I'm really thinking, I go along with their plans or desires, I keep quiet when they've upset me, or I have loud outbursts and we get into arguments when it's too far gone?
4. What is the next simplest and most intelligent step for me to take that would be helpful for myself, my partner, and the relationship? Would it be to notice each time I have the urge to be quiet, and instead learn communication skills so I can say something? Would it be to stop criticising myself, and recognise that I do have value, so that it is easier to hold my boundary?
Start empowering yourself.

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LinkedIn Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies
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