Get Your Brain To Do More And Rest Better

Become A Calm Mama

Just like the rest of the body, your brain needs times of attention, focus and activity as well as times of rest. Today, I’m talking about two different networks within the brain and how to toggle between them. It will help you understand how to get your brain to do more and rest better so you can feel more focused and less overwhelmed.

You’ll Learn:

• What the Task Positive Network and Default Mode Network do in your brain and why they’re both important
• When and how to toggle between the two networks
• Differences between neurotypical and ADHD brains
• Why screen free default mode is important
• Strategies for getting more high quality rest for your brain

You can apply this to your own life and also use it to understand what’s going on for your kid when you’re trying to get their attention. You’ll learn how to create better quality downtime for yourself and how to help your kids get back on task when it’s time.

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Understanding The Networks in Your Brain

The two networks we’re talking about today are called the Default Mode Network and Task Positive Network.

Default Mode Network (DMN). This network is exactly what it sounds like - it’s our brain’s default. You can think of it as wakeful or active rest. You’re not really thinking about or focusing on anything in particular. Your mind gets to wander. It’s where we daydream and let our imaginations go free.

This is the part of the brain that helps integrate what you've learned and take it from short term memory into long term memory. The DMN is not present minded. It helps you relive the past, reflect on things that happened, and also imagine the future. It’s linked with bigger picture thinking.

However, this part of your brain can also be a little like a toddler in a toy store. Without any boundaries, it’s going to go everywhere and be really scattered. For many of us, our unchecked brain defaults to a negative perspective. We get into fear-based and anxious overthinking or ruminating. You might find yourself over-processing the past and anticipating the future. So instead of the daydreaming creating a happy, relaxed state, you end up spiraling into negative anguish.

The DMN can be a very positive place if we harness it a little bit. We can train our brain to make this network a really safe, fun place to be (more on that later).

Task Positive Network (TPN). This is the network where your brain is very active, and you’re doing tasks that require your conscious attention. Here, you’re processing sensory input, working with your short-term memory, thinking abstractly and solving problems.

As a parent, you spend a lot of time in the Task Positive Network throughout the day. You’re focused on all sorts of tasks - scheduling, meal planning and preparation, keeping up with homework and school papers, and so many other pieces. Your brain goes into overload, and you end up feeling overwhelmed or burned out.

At its best, TPN is sometimes also called “flow”. It’s when you are really focused on what you’re doing and tuning out everything else. The brain loves to be in TPN and this flow state, but it takes a lot of work to stay there, and it’s easy to get distracted.

If you see a person with ADHD, anxiety or depression, they often say things like, “I can’t even think straight,” “I can’t seem to get anything done.” This is probably because they aren't able to stay in TPN long enough to achieve something.

This distractibility is becoming more and more common, even in people without ADHD, because as a society, we’re spending less time in the TPN. It’s like a muscle that we need to train so that we can stay on track.

Some things that pull us out of TPN are boredom and input from the environment like phone notifications or kids interrupting your flow.

Get Your Brain to Do More and Rest Better with Toggling

The neural network in your brain works a little like a seesaw. It toggles between on-task and off-task or between inattention, default attention and intentional attention.

Our goal is to have a little more control about when we go back and forth between the two networks and to be able to spend longer periods of time in each. We want to be in control of what our brain is doing and regulate ourselves.

In a neurotypical brain, when one network is up, the other is down. With an ADHD brain, the Default Mode Network is more powerful. It shouts louder than the Task Positive Network, so it is much harder to switch into TPN and stay there. However, if the ADHD brain is able to get to TPN, they can stay there much longer.

The first step in gaining more intentional control over your brain is noticing and being more aware.

Getting into TPN is more difficult when you’re mentally overloaded, fatigued or stressed. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or easily distracted, it’s a good sign that you need to focus on getting some quality rest time before trying to get back to tasks.

Kids are also terrible for TPN. The amount of input that children bring in is overwhelming, and the brain just kinda gives up sometimes. It works best to be mostly in DMN when the kids are around. This way, you can be distracted, but in their world.

Shifting into Task Positive Network. Next time you notice that you’re anxious, ruminating or can’t think straight or stop scrolling on your phone, recognize that you’re in your default mode.

Focus on something outside of your brain - look out the window, look at the colors in the room, stand up and move your body. Getting your body involved is super helpful when you’re stuck in rumination.

Another good strategy is creating a small, doable task. Your brain can use these tiny tasks, like cleaning off your desk or getting a cup of tea to shift into TPN. You can help your child do this by breaking things down into smaller tasks.

Shifting into Default Mode Network. When you are able to shift into DMN without the Internet or a device, you start to daydream and let your mind wander in a little more free flowy way.

When you can do this without going into a negative thought spiral or relying on your phone, you will learn a lot about yourself, which is super cool. It increases your self-awareness about what you think about, what you pay attention to naturally.

When you are inside your own brain, it helps you become more creative. I love to think of my mind as a playground, and I love to be in it. Writing out all of your thoughts can be a really helpful way to get to know yourself and figure out what you’ve learned from past experiences.

Strategies for Getting High Quality Rest

Sometimes, the things we choose to do when we try to rest our brains aren’t high quality. You might take a break from thinking, but not actually feel rejuvenated.

The phone has become the default mode for many of us, but it doesn’t actually give your brain the rest it needs because it isn’t coming from inside of you. You’re focused on something external that is being fed to you, telling you what to focus on. Your mind doesn’t get to truly wander free. It can feel like an easy way to reset, but it’s low quality active rest.

The first step is to notice when you have gaps in your day, like the checkout line at the store or the pickup line at your kid’s school. A good clue is a time when you would usually reach for your phone.

Make some time to do nothing every day. Be intentional with this “non-thinking” time. Try blocking your calendar so you know when so that you know when your task/flow time will be and when you’ll let your brain rest.

Set aside your digital devices. Turn off your notifications or put your phone on “do not disturb” (or even in a drawer like one of my friends does). You’ll notice that you will get more done, feel calmer and more present and be better at connecting with others during that time.

Don’t worry about not doing anything. Sometimes, we think we should be busy all the time. But it’s okay to just do nothing for a while. You don’t have to fill every minute of your day. When my kids were little, I tried to stop work or other activities 30 minutes or so before pick up and rest or zone out for a little bit because I knew that as soon as my kids were home, I’d be in task mode again.

Figure out how you want to fill your downtime. Some of my favorite ways to rest my brain are:

• Read fiction.
• Look at photos of your family or past experiences (not photos of other people’s families on Instagram).
• Go for a walk or move your body in some other way. Leave the headphones at home.
• Observe nature. You can even do this out your own window. Look for birds, flowers, colors or listen for sounds.
• Come up with a prompt, like “When was the last time I laughed really hard?” or “What was my favorite family vacation?” and let your mind wander.

I hope this has been helpful for you to understand why it’s so difficult to get your kids into task mode, how to get them motivated with tiny tasks and ways to care for yourself by getting more quality rest for your brain.

Resources:

• Episode 142: Rethinking ADHD
• ADHD 2.0: New Science and Essential Strategies for Thriving with Distraction - from Childhood Through Adulthood by Edward Hallowell and John Ratey

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