How to Get Real Results From Online Dating with Kait Warman

The Refined Collective Podcast

Thank you Newsstand Studio at 1 Rockefeller Plaza for providing a place for me to record this episode for y’all! No more Brooklyn closet recording!!!

This episode is all about how to get real results from online dating, which is something I’m really interested in talking about right now because personally I have felt burnt out from online dating. I’ve also experienced some heartache in my love life recently (I don’t want to share that story with the whole world, but you can hear it on Patreon if you’re interested.) So this episode is just as much for me as it is for you. I am so excited to have my dear friend Kait Warman with me for this conversation.

What’s your go-to dating app?

• I finally have an answer to that question: Upward. Here’s why:
• • It’s great if you’re a person of faith who wants to find someone who is in alignment with your faith and values.
  • It’s full of people looking for meaningful relationships that will lead to marriage. No hookups here!
  • Upward is also inclusive and affirming for all Christians, which really matters to me. Not a lot of faith-based apps are.
  • Questions on the app allow you to do a deep dive into who you are, why your faith matters, and what it is that you’re really looking for.
  • Download the app for free here.

Dating Sunday aka The Superbowl for Online Dating

• The first Sunday of January is historically the busiest day of the year for online dating
• Why? New Year’s Resolutions, post-holiday blues + hello Valentine’s Day is just around the corner…basically it’s time for a fresh start.
• Apps expect around a 30% increase in new users on this Sunday alone.

3 Things That Will Set Apart Your Online Dating Profile

• CLARITY

• What are you looking for? (casual, serious, in between) Communicate it clearly!
• How to be clear about what you’re looking for without having a chip on your shoulder/pressure? Go in with an open expectation.

• “Online dating is a low stakes operation... Take the pressure off.” - Kait Warman

• WHO ARE YOU?

• What matters to you?
• Why is your faith important to you?
• 1. On Upward, you can say your denomination, which I think is cool.
• What lights you up?
• What do you love to do? Show, don’t tell!

• “Allow yourself to really get to know yourself first, + then show that in your profile” - Kat Harris

• CAPTIVATE CURIOSITY

• Engage someone who’s viewing your profile.
• 1. i.e. 2 truths + a lie—take a guess and then tell me yours!
  2. top 5 favorite books…what are yours?
• Allow these to be fun + light. SPOILER ALERT: dating doesn’t always have to be so serious!

The 3 Pics That Will Up Your Profile Game

• The average person stays on a dating profile for less than 60 seconds… You have to make your profile count and it starts with that first profile pic!
• • Pic #1: bachelor/bachelorette photos // smiling, laughing, eyes direct-to-camera, engaging!
  • Pic #2: the everyday you + the dressier you
  • Pic #3: do something you love
• CAVEAT: these should all be up-to-date

The 3 Pics NOT To Post

1. Group shots
2. Sunglasses
3. Gym/car selfies

3 Ways to Avoid Online Dating Fatigue

1. Commit to 3 months of Upward
2. Get on the app 6 days a week in the first week
   • Goal: 3 dates in 3 months
3. Limit your use to 15 minutes a day

Resources

• Download the Upward app here.
• Keep up with Kait Warman on IG at @kaitness and @heartofdating.
• Check out Kait’s podcast, Heart of Dating.
• Grab Kait’s book, Thank You For Rejecting Me.
• Listen to Kait’s other episodes of The Refined Collective:
• • Ep. 17: How to Drop the Hanky (aka how to let them know you’re interested)
  • Ep. 41: How to Online Date Like a Boss
  • Ep. 140: Thank You For Rejecting Me
  • Ep. 144 with Carrie Lloyd: Should I Marry a Christian
• Check out Rockefeller Center on IG at @rockefellercenter and Twitter at @rockcenternyc

I am such a fan of dainty, feminine, delicate jewelry. I also am a firm believer that the physical is always an invitation to the spiritual. This is why I am so excited to be partnering with NYC-based, female-founded jewelry company Satya. Satya means “truth” in Sanskrit and all of their pieces are designed to bring joy, peace, and hope. To dive into the beautiful world of Satya jewelry, visit www.satyajewelry.com and use promo code RC15 for 15% off your first order.

Has this ever happened to you… you’re feeling like crap, need to see a doctor, you search and find one that looks good, spend hours trying to book an appointment, only to get there and realize they don’t take your insurance? There’s a solution: download the free Zocdoc app. You can search for local doctors that take your insurance, whether you’re looking for a dentist or psychiatrist. Go to Zocdoc.com/kat and download the Zocdoc app to sign up for free and book a top-rated doctor.

This podcast is sponsored by Better Help. I’ve done therapy off and on for years and am such an advocate for therapy. Better Help will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist who you can start communicating with in under 48 hours. It’s affordable and accessible with financial aid available. Visit BetterHelp.com/refined for 10% off your first month and join the over 2 million people who have taken charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional.

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