Ask Kat: Dating While Deconstructing, Botox, Legalism + More...

The Refined Collective Podcast

If you follow me on Instagram, you know I do Mentor Mondays where you can ask me anything and I answer on IG stories, but it’s so hard to answer such complex questions in 15-second bursts! So this week, I am tackling some of the questions you sent me on Instagram. I would love to do more of these episodes, so if you want to submit your questions for me to answer in a solo show, email [e-mail] with the subject line “Ask Kat.”

Jaclyn: Thoughts on cosmetic surgery? Is it ungodly or me not loving the body God gave me?

• You may or may not know that I actually got botox! Listen to the episode I did on it here.
• I want to be the type of woman who embraces grey hair and wrinkles, but I am a human being in process. And to be honest, I want to simply look my age.
• I am grateful for cosmetic surgery for my friend who lost an eye and had a scarred face. I am grateful for cosmetic surgery for my friend who broke her nose.

“I don’t think most things in and of themselves are ungodly, I think it’s the heart posture with which we approach them.” - Kat Harris

Katie: Guy asked for my IG, then stopped talking to me a few days later. Do I unfollow?

• This has happened to me SO many times. And for me, I don’t like sharing my IG because it gives them so much personal information about me, whereas I get so little info about them. I share a story of a guy who recently saw my Instagram and his reaction to it was less than great.
• My advice here is: go ahead and unfollow! You don’t need to be following up with some stranger on the internet who is uninterested in making an actual plan with you.

Abi B.: Preparing for engagement/marriage but both deconstructing. Feels like I should have things figured out before.

• Deconstruction is TOUGH! I am working through it now, most of it privately. It can make dating complicated, but this scenario is why I am an advocate of looking at the whole person rather than the label of “this person is a Christian.”
• You never know how ANY person’s faith journey will turn out, whether they are deconstructing right now or not.
• The key is to find someone who has: grace, humility, a growth mindset, trust, and integrity.
• Some reflection questions:
• • What are you afraid of happening?
  • Is this someone you can accept wholeheartedly without an agenda?
  • Is this someone you can move through hard seasons with?

“We just don’t know what God is gonna do, we don’t know when God is gonna do it, and we don’t know what choices we are going to make, what choices they are going to make.” - Kat Harris

Nijha M.: 1 Peter 1:13-25 // How to obey this without falling into legalism? What does it look like in dating?

• It’s important to consider who this was written for. Context is so important.
• Calling to live holy? To live mindfully and intentionally. NOTE: *not perfectly*
• Posture of the heart:
• • Legalism worships the rules over the relationships.
  • Legalism stones the adulter to death, but relationship offers acceptance, love, grace, and dignity.
  • How can I love myself well? My future well? God well? And this person well?
  • Relationship is being willing to dive into conversation and nuance and grey —legalism says it’s all black and white.

Emery: What do you wish we knew about you that social media doesn't show?

• Life is hard. Being human is hard.
• I’m private. You get to see about 1% of my life that I choose to let you see.
• I’m no expert. I’m just trying to figure things out too. Fear of being a fraud.

Abby: Do you fear changing your mind on a topic, especially given your platform as a teacher? :)

• Yes. 1,000%. Change is constant. This was something I thought about a lot during the launch of my book. What if I change my views on sex and marriage?
• Am I allowed to be human?

Resources

• Listen to my podcast episode about botox here.
• Check out Rockefeller Center on IG at @rockefellercenter and Twitter at @rockcenternyc

I am such a fan of dainty, feminine, delicate jewelry. I also am a firm believer that the physical is always an invitation to the spiritual. This is why I am so excited to be partnering with NYC-based, female-founded jewelry company Satya. Satya means “truth” in Sanskrit and all of their pieces are designed to bring joy, peace, and hope. To dive into the beautiful world of Satya jewelry, visit www.satyajewelry.com and use promo code RC15 for 15% off your first order.

This podcast is sponsored by Better Help. I’ve done therapy off and on for years and am such an advocate for therapy. Better Help will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist who you can start communicating with in under 48 hours. It’s affordable and accessible with financial aid available. Visit BetterHelp.com/refined for 10% off your first month and join the over 2 million people who have taken charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional.

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