Episode 177: 03 - BEING VULNERABLE - THE HARDER SHAFT PODCAST - hosts Joe-y Busuttil & Adam COX

the HARDER SHAFT

The third episode of the HARDER SHAFT podcast hosted by Joe-y Busuttil & co host Adam Cox.

What exactly is shame?
Shame encompasses feelings about who you are and how you feel about yourself after doing something wrong, such as believing that you are not good enough, that you are a bad person, or that you are broken. You can make yourself feel ashamed, and others can shame you (if you allow them to), lowering your self-esteem.
Shame is preferable to guilt.
When you feel guilty, it is an awareness of your choices or behaviours, not of who you are. You feel bad about yourself when you are ashamed. You recognise you made a poor decision, which you can correct or apologise for, but it has nothing to do with your self-worth.
Shame is the polar opposite of empathy.
Empathy is the ability to "put yourself in someone else's shoes" and experience what they are experiencing. And if you can't do that exactly, you tell them you don't know how they feel, but you're here to listen and help. Being open without attempting to solve the person's problem is essential in allowing them to work through their feelings of shame with love, respect, trust, and kindness.
Vulnerability necessitates the development of trust over time.
Trust necessitates the accumulation of social support over time. The more you trust someone, the more comfortable you are being vulnerable with them. Trust also necessitates visibility, which is difficult if you are accustomed to hiding your emotions or if any aspect of your identity is still hidden in the closet.
The more vulnerable you are, the more joy you will feel.
Practicing "active gratitude" is one of the best ways to experience more joy in your life. Begin a gratitude journal or simply write about what you are grateful for in your journal at the beginning and end of each day.
ADAM COX:

Adam Cox is a trainer, mentor and coach for single gay men.

With over 9,000 hours under his belt and 19 years experience in the training and coaching space, Adam successfully leads men through profound personal transformation.

Adam grew up hating himself: he didn't want to be gay! Through his teenage years, he kept his sexuality hidden deep within, an internal battle that waged on in his head for close to 15 years. That, teamed up with severe acne, Adam's early years were somewhat difficult. Rejection after rejection and never feeling like he 'fit in' led him to feel that maybe life wasn't really worth living.

Finding a love for instructing and training at just 18 years of age, Adam became a National Presenter for Les Mills Asia Pacific after just 5 years, and was awarded the Fitness First National Group Fitness Instructor of the Year in the mid-late noughties. Around this time, Adam's passion for music led him to teach himself how to DJ, and later on produce music. Throughout his music career, he played venues such as ivy (SYD), The Metro (SYD) Family (BNE) and The Wickham (BNE) to name but a few.

Yet, whilst electronic music was in his heart and soul, he found himself in an environment that favoured drugs and alcohol. After moving through a 15+ years alcohol and drug addiction (mdma, cocaine, crystal meth, ketamine, ghb) and a 10+ year battle with mental health: depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety and almost daily panic attacks, Adam found the launchpad to his ultimate life.

Adam had a desire to launch his own coaching business five years before it's inception, but was held back by self-doubt and fear. He didn't think he was good enough. This 'not enough-ness' played out in his relationships too: he was the ultimate people pleaser. Four beautiful relationships with phenomenal men, all with powerful lessons to learn, and deeper inner healing completed with each one.

Yet, through heartbreak, numerous business failures, rejection, mental health challenges, suicide ideation, addiction there was an underlying feeling that there was something else, so he went on a journey to find answers.

After working with coaches and mentors almost non-stop for close to 4 years, and experiencing life-changing-transformations on a mental, emotional, and spiritual level, he found something. He discovered that for most of his adult life, he never quite felt safe to be his true authentic self: becoming chameleon-like in order to fit and and be liked. This catapulted him into a journey back home to find his true self: an epic expedition ranging from heartache and loss to utter bliss and pure excitement.

Attracting his dream man (which has since found completion!), building a soul aligned business, living where he wants to live and surrounded by 'full body fuck yes' friendships, ignited with passion, purpose and a joy for existence, Adam not only thrives on life itself, but has used his massive career and life experience to usher other gay men home to their authentic self.

He discovered that the secret to life wasn't about what was done, but who someone becomes, and has use his wisdom to created strategies and effective processes that can rapidly transform someone's mind, body and soul. He helps gay men let go from their past, heal, gain clarity on what they truly want, and empowers them to launch into confidently creating a life that is aligned to their heart and soul.

He helps single gay men BECOME the dream man that they are seeking, helping them confidently own their worth, love the man in the mirror, speak and act with authenticity and courageously go after what they want.

You can use what you want from this mate.

ADAM COX:
the gay coach
Facebook-
www.facebook.com/adamgcox
Instagram-
www.instagram.com/thecoxcoach
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JOE BUSUTTIL
MENS COACH/ COUNSELLOR
[e-mail]
www.equator-hypnotherapymelbourne.com
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