Social Media, Part 2

RH Family Making History

Questions We Ask:

1. How have the events of 2020, and our expanded use of and reliance on social media, enhanced or changed the emotional and psychological effects media has on teenagers?
2. When should kids get social media accounts?
3. What encouragement do you have for parents as they try to navigate media with their teenagers and kids?

HIGHLIGHTS:

Even pre-COVID, social media became a god and an idol in some ways. Media use is seen as a solution to all problems. When COVID hit and social isolation began, there was a small awakening of simplifying - doing puzzles, eating meals together, playing games, etc.

It is disturbing that technology has become the only solution to coming out of social isolation.

Screens should be the LAST solution to problems for kids.

Media trauma is the trauma caused by media use, and has 5 definitions.

1. A traumatic experience that happened through media.

• Kids are one click from ruining their lives every day.
• Social media use can very easily be devastating.

2. An addiction to personal media that impairs your relationships, your work, and your ability to play.

• When I’m on my phone: I cannot see, I cannot feel, I cannot hear.
• There is scientific proof that we dissociate from our bodies when we are on our screens. You actually cannot feel physical sensations in your body.
• By providing your child with a screen as a pacifier, you’re teaching them to not feel their physical sensations.
• This addiction causes you to lose your tolerance for feelings - because you no longer know how to ride the waves of boredom, anger, impatience, etc. This will affect how you handle conflicts in relationships, your ability to focus and be productive at work, and your ability to play outside of being entertained. It is trauma when this addiction keeps you from being able to live, grow, and thrive the way you were made to.

3. Neglect of self or others because of a misuse of personal media.

• Parents/caregivers need to do their own work before worrying about their teenagers. How are you using media? How are you using your devices? Assess what your REAL needs are.
• Model the behavior you want to see from your kids.]oi

4. An interruption of human development because of a misuse of personal media.

• Child did not get an opportunity to master a phase of development because technology either entered at an incorrect time or was misused.
• Normal and healthy are not the same thing. You cannot look at the way other families are using technology and think it is HEALTHY because it is the norm.

5. Compromised physical, mental, or emotional wellness as a result of screen requirements from school or work.

• When forced to dissociate from itself (sit in one place, not use all your senses, not getting to breaks, etc.), your body will experience extended screen use as trauma.
• Screen fatigue is real. Don’t take breaks from one screen (ie: required online class participation) by getting on another (ie: your phone, scrolling Instagram)

We are all guinea pigs in this. And humans are going to have to speak up and say, “this is not humane.” Stand up for yourself and say what is acceptable and what’s not for you, and for your children.

If you have a relationship with your child that is healthy, where you can say “no” and they accept that, Jenny recommends you say no to your child getting social media accounts.

There are positives to social media, and those payoffs keep us from acknowledging how detrimental the harms are.

How equipped is your child to be in a dangerous place? They might have to enter into relationships with media regardless of whether or not they or you want them to, because of the constructs of society right now.

When you are ready to send your kid to an emotional Hunger Games, that’s when you can allow them to get social media accounts. You’ve got to be by their side, in their corner, and know that they’re going to be handling some hard stuff. Parents have to be open and ready to walk next to their kids through that, and help them process, if they allow them to have social media accounts.

Your child’s social media use has got to be in partnership with you. Monitor their activity online, and on social media channels. Pay attention. Lean in when something seems off with your kid. Social media use is proven to increase depression and anxiety. It is a false world of comparison.

Don’t project onto your teenagers the experience you had when you were their age. What teenagers today are dealing with is unlike anything we’ve imagined, and is unlike our experiences during developmental years. Having a safe space and a shame-free zone to discuss things that happen is essential to help them navigate these spaces.

Lean in with the intention to not only hear, but to actually respond. Choose to respond in a way that is helpful and which promotes teamwork, rather than responding out of alarm or refusing to respond at all.

“What the enemy used to destroy you God will use to prosper you.” The invitation into your kid’s reality and worlds is something you could have missed. You are in this together. Walk alongside them.

Set boundaries with your child/teenager.

You are the most important person in your kid’s life. Even when you feel like it doesn’t matter. Even when it feels like they don’t want you around, or that you embarrass them.

Don’t be afraid to be the parent. Your child does not have a right to a phone. Your child does not have a right to social media. Don’t be afraid to take those things away when behavior necessitates it, or if you feel you’ve introduced it to your child too early. Taking away your child’s devices is not really a consequence. It is alleviating them of that responsibility in their life; it is giving them FREEDOM.

It was not an accident that God gave you this child. It is not an accident that you are parenting through this time in history. Don’t be afraid to take that role of leadership in your child’s life—especially if it’s counter-cultural.