Struggling with Mom Guilt? How to Separate Your Worth From Your Child's Worst Day (And Teach Them to Do the Same)

Mom Life: Uncomplicated - Parenting tips, organization, routines, self-care, mindset

🎯 What's Inside This Episode (Series Finale!)

In the powerful conclusion of this 3-part series, parent coach Jamie Buzelle drops THE mantra that will change your entire parenting perspective: "It's not personal, it's developmental." We're diving into Dr. Becky's game-changing airplane pilot analogy, why you have more patience with other people's kids than your own, and the three—and ONLY three—reasons behind every single behavior your child exhibits. Plus, Jamie gets beautifully vulnerable about her own journey, pushback from family, and what it really means to reparent yourself while raising your son.

💔 Why You Need to Listen to This

Do you feel personally attacked when your child says something rude? Does their "disrespectful" behavior feel like a direct assault on your worth as a parent? Are you harder on yourself than you'd ever be on another mom at the playground? Here's the truth, mama: You're taking it personally when it's actually developmental. Your child isn't trying to hurt you—they're communicating an unmet need, a missing skill, or a big feeling. This episode will help you stop internalizing every tantrum, eye roll, and defiant moment as evidence that you're failing. Because you're not failing—you're just missing the decoder ring.

✨ How This Episode Helps You

After listening, you'll be able to:

• Use the "It's not personal, it's developmental" mantra to stop taking behavior as a personal attack
• Recognize why you're more triggered by YOUR child's behavior than other kids' (and what that reveals about your nervous system)
• Apply the "Sturdy Pilot" technique to stay grounded when your child is in full meltdown mode
• Identify the THREE reasons behind ALL behavior (seriously, it's always one of these three!)
• Start small with ONE positive change instead of overhauling your entire parenting overnight
• Separate your child's worth from their worst choices (and do the same for yourself!)
• Focus on character strengths to build genuine self-esteem in your child

✈️ The Sturdy Pilot Analogy That Changes Everything

Picture This: You're on a plane hitting major turbulence. What do you need most? To hear from the pilot, right? When that calm, confident voice comes on and says, "Hey folks, we've hit a rough patch. We're going up 10,000 feet—smooth sailing from there," you instantly relax.

Now imagine that same pilot getting on the intercom and panicking: "OH MY GOD, TURBULENCE! THIS IS AWFUL! WE'RE ALL DOOMED!" Everyone on that plane would lose it.

You are that pilot for your child. When they're in the middle of a meltdown (their "turbulence"), they need you to be the sturdy, calm voice that says: "I've got this. I see you. I believe you. You are really upset. I believe you. And I still love you. And we'll get through this together."

That signals safety. That's co-regulation in action. (Thank you, Dr. Becky, for this perfect analogy!)

🔍 The Playground Test: Why Other Kids Don't Trigger You

Jamie drops this truth bomb: When you're at the playground and another child is having a tantrum or behaving badly, you don't get triggered. You look at them with patience and think, "Ah, they're having a hard time."

But when YOUR child does the exact same behavior? Your nervous system goes into overdrive.

What does this tell you? It's not about the behavior—it's about YOUR story, YOUR childhood, YOUR beliefs about what your child's behavior says about YOU as a parent. That other kid at the playground isn't carrying all your baggage about being "good enough" as a mom. Your kid is.

The solution? Find your "anchor"—the thing that brings you back to the present moment when you feel yourself starting to spiral. Jamie's is telling herself "You're safe." Natalie's is visualization and deep breathing. What's yours?

💪 Reparenting Yourself While Raising Your Child

Jamie shares something beautifully vulnerable: Every time she gives her son an opportunity she didn't have as a child, she's also giving "little Jamie" that same gift.

She grew up deeply shamed for her mistakes as a teenager—never hearing "You messed up, but you're still a great kid. Your worth isn't your worst choice." So now? She's intentional about separating her son's behavior from his identity.

The language shift that matters: ❌ "You're being so disrespectful!" ✅ "You made a bad choice, but you're still a pretty awesome kid. I know next time you'll make a better choice. And if you don't, that's okay too—you're a kid. You're supposed to mess up."

This isn't just about your child—it's about healing yourself too.

🎯 The ONLY 3 Reasons Behind Every Behavior

Jamie guarantees that EVERY SINGLE BEHAVIOR can be traced back to one of three things:

1. An unmet need - They're hungry, tired, overstimulated, needing connection
2. A missing skill - Low frustration tolerance, poor impulse control, underdeveloped emotional vocabulary
3. A feeling - They're angry, scared, overwhelmed, jealous, disappointed

That's IT. Your child isn't being "disrespectful" or "rude" or "taking advantage" of you on purpose. Put on your Sherlock Holmes hat and investigate with curiosity instead of taking it personally.

Example: "My son has really low frustration tolerance" = Now you have something to work on! You can build skills around frustration tolerance one baby step at a time.

🌱 Start Small: Don't Overhaul Everything Overnight

Coaching programs are 12 weeks minimum for a reason—sustainable change happens through small shifts, not complete overhauls.

Jamie's advice: Pick ONE thing to do differently this week:

• Focus more on what your kids do positively
• Let go of a couple corrections you'd normally make
• Notice and name one tiny positive behavior: "I saw you gave your sister your last gummy bear yesterday. How awesome are you as a brother?"

Watch how that child lights up when you notice something that small. Build on THAT instead of constantly correcting the negative.

💎 Separate the Child From the Emotion

Natalie shares her brilliant technique from when her kids were little: She'd personify big emotions. "Oh, cranky bear is out today!" Then when the child calmed down, they'd literally throw imaginary "cranky bear" out the window together.

Why this works: It shows the child that the emotion is separate from WHO THEY ARE. They're not "a bad kid"—they're a good kid experiencing a hard emotion. Huge difference.

🎙️ Getting Personal: Jamie's Journey

In the rapid-fire Q&A, Jamie opens up about:

What makes life fulfilling for her: "Following my passion—helping people and being someone who truly sees and hears others. If we didn't use money as currency, I'd do this for free."

How she'll know she succeeded as a parent: "Years from now, when my son no longer HAS to be around me but still WANTS to be around me. When I'm invited into his life not out of obligation but because he genuinely wants me there."

What she tells herself during hard times: "It's not personal." Even when family and friends have pushed back on her career as a parent coach, even when she's faced unexpected criticism—she reminds herself that other people's beliefs about her aren't personal. They're about whatever's going on for THEM.

The one mantra to tattoo in the hospital: "It's not personal. It's developmental."

🔑 Key Quotes from This Episode

"If you evaluate people based on their worst choice on their worst day, they start to believe that about themselves. And kids believe it faster." - Jamie Buzelle

"Every single piece of behavior can be tracked back to an unmet need, a skill they don't have, or a feeling. That's it." - Jamie Buzelle

"You are not your worth. Your personhood is not the worst choice you've ever made in your life." - Jamie Buzelle

"When you're at the playground and another kid is misbehaving, you don't get triggered. But when YOUR kid does it? Your nervous system goes crazy. That tells you everything about what you need to work on." - Jamie Buzelle

CALLS TO ACTION:

🌟 Join our FREE Mom Life Uncomplicated Community! Connect with other moms who are learning to stop taking behavior personally and start parenting with confidence. Expert parent coaches are waiting to support you—no judgment, just practical help. 👉 Visit nataliemccabe.com and click the Community tab

📞 Ready to find YOUR anchor and stop the spiral? Book a FREE 30-minute coaching discovery call with Natalie. We'll identify what's triggering your nervous system and create a personalized plan to help you stay sturdy when your kids lose it. 👉 nataliemccabe.com - click "Book a Call"

📖 Want more on separating behavior from identity? Get the first chapter of Sink or Swim Parenting FREE and learn how to build unshakeable self-esteem in your child (and yourself!). 👉 Available at nataliemccabe.com

📚 Pre-order Sink or Swim Parenting for Natalie's complete roadmap to raising confident, emotionally intelligent kids—without losing yourself in the process.

🎯 Connect with Jamie Buzelle:

• Instagram: @TheReparentCoach
• Website: www.TheReparentCoach.com
• Facebook: The Reparent Coach
• YouTube: The Reparent Coach (brand new!)

🎧 Missed Parts 1 & 2? Go back and binge the entire series! This conversation builds on itself—you don't want to miss a single insight from Jamie's incredible journey and expertise.

💌 A Note from Natalie:

This conversation with Jamie has been everything I hoped it would be—raw, honest, science-backed, and deeply practical. If you walked away from this 3-part series with just ONE thing, let it be this:

Your child's behavior is not a referendum on your worth as a parent.

They're not trying to hurt you. They're trying to TELL you something. Your job isn't to be perfect—it's to be sturdy, curious, and committed to showing up even when it's hard.

You've got this, mama. And you don't have to do it alone.