Tripp Lanier - Getting Dangerous

Ditching Hourly

Author, podcaster, and coach Tripp Lanier joins me to talk about how to feel more strong, free, and alive.

Tripp's Bio

Tripp Lanier is a professional coach, author of This Book Will Make You Dangerous, and host of The New Man Podcast: Beyond the Macho Jerk and the New Age Wimp which — for over a decade — has been downloaded millions of times.

Tripp's LInks

• The New Man Podcast
• This Book Will Make You Dangerous
• Tripp's coaching website

Transcript

Jonathan Stark (00:00):

Hello, and welcome to ditching hourly. I'm Jonathan Stark. Today I'm joined by special guest Tripp Lanier. Tripp! Welcome to the show.

Tripp Lanier (00:07):

Thanks, Jonathan. Appreciate the opportunity to talk.

Jonathan Stark (00:10):

I'm really excited about this. I absolutely loved your book and I want to talk all about that, but first, can you give the listeners a little bit of background on you, who you are, what you do, they might not have heard your name before or just in case they haven't?

Tripp Lanier (00:22):

Yeah well, most known these days as the host of the new man podcast, which has been publishing for over 13 years, we've had millions of downloads. We kind of started in the wild West days and but my main profession is I'm a coach and I work with primarily men, but forward-thinking men that are like, all right, I've done pretty well for myself, but is this really it, is it really just going to be about chasing money or measuring up or trying to prove something that I didn't get worked out in high school? And so these are guys that are wanting more meaning more alignment, not just in their work, but also in their personal lives and their relationships as well. So I do the work with those guys to really kind of break out of this mold and find the unique thing that that really is. They're like, okay, what am I really here to do or give or provide in my lifetime? And you know, confront the fears that get in the way there and then really start to implement that and then world, and in a way where you don't have to live in your car, my clients tend to do very well for themselves.

Jonathan Stark (01:22):

Yeah, there's so, so I didn't realize that the podcast had been going that long. I listened to a few episodes, but wow. That's amazing. Yeah. When did the book come out?

Tripp Lanier (01:31):

The book came out this past year. We're still in the promotion cycle for that. So it's, it's you know, with COVID and all of that kind of stuff, it's like, it's still fresh and brand new and a lot of people's minds.

Jonathan Stark (01:41):

Yeah, it's really good. I'm just going to go ahead, like right up front and say, folks should definitely read this book. It's it aligns with a lot of the things that listeners here are used to hearing me say particularly staying, getting away from the crowd, standing out from the crowd and not being just another, whatever you want to be. The one and only have something very specific and doing that feels really dangerous to people. It feels like they're taking a huge risk by doing something different and standing out. I suppose it's like an evolutionary thing where fitting in was the safety mechanism, but now it's like the polar opposite of what you'd actually want to do. So the book is the book is not only really useful, but it's hilarious. It's definitely dude oriented. Do, do you have, have you ever, has that caused a problem for you at all? I, I, I asked because one of the things that people tend not to want to do is niche down on any kind of subset. They want to be like a software developer. I can build software for anyone and everyone. And I think that's a bad thing. You obviously think that's a bad thing. Have you had any sort of backlash from focusing down primarily on men?

Tripp Lanier (02:49):

No. I mean, if you take a look at the world that I'm in and the personal growth, personal development realm, it's a field largely developed largely dominated by women. You know, this was, I mean, this was a field that Oprah really cultivated. And there, I remember being that person going to that section of the bookstore when we actually went to bookstores to buy books and it was like, there's nothing here for me. I'm a guy. And it's awesome that there's a lot of great books for women here, but there was nothing that spoke specifically for me. And so one of the main reasons why I wrote that book was I was like, okay, what's the book I wish I could have read 20 something years ago when I was starting to ask these deeper questions and starting to really get curious about life and what was really involved. And, and and so that was, that was the impetus for this book.

Jonathan Stark (03:34):

One of the things that I love about the book, first of all, I listened to the audio book, which you read. Thanks, goodness. Because I think it it's, it really, it feels like a missed opportunity to me when authors don't read their own books, especially in a place like, you know, in a, in a, in a space like this or dumb domain like this it's, it's like, you really want it. I don't know. It just makes so much more of a connection for some, especially for someone who does coaching. But what's hilarious about it is, you know, you're super honest in it. There's swearing and stuff. It's there's some, a whole just absolutely like laugh out loud. Funny examples. I'm thinking of like the, the the, the sweat lodge. I don't know if it was a sweat lodge, but it was like, okay, everybody take off their clothes and it's just hilarious, but it's, it's incredibly useful.

Jonathan Stark (04:21):

And the, the, the thing that I want to drill into a little bit is your ability to the role playing that you did in the book. So, so for the listener, there's a bunch of examples in the book where, where one of trips, I don't know if you call them students or clients, but clients they would have some sort of like, I don't feel it something's wrong. I don't know what's wrong. And listening to the way you unpack that was in every case, it was just mind blowing. I do coaching myself and, and with a lot of engineer mentality type of people and they, and when it comes to the stuff that's re really squishy stuff, I'm like, I'm out, I'm like not, not a shrink. I don't know how to go there. I don't know what questions to ask. So it was incredibly informative as a coach to listen to the way that you would ask those questions.

Jonathan Stark (05:09):

Can you, can you think of an example from the book where someone might come to you and say, I say something like, I dunno, man. Like something just doesn't feel right. You know, and they're like driving a Ferrari and they're ma you know, they're happily married and, you know, I think there was one word, you know, the guy was like totally happy with his wife or, or felt that way. And was just like, I don't know. And then you ask these series of questions that maybe you could go into a little bit and, you know, touch on the sort of three things that you know, people are looking for in their lives. It seems like almost like the primary colors of what you go after.

Tripp Lanier (05:46):

Yeah. Yeah. There's a, there's a lot to unpack in that. You know, one thing that I've learned as a coach is that early on, as a coach, it was like, yeah, let's, let's really help people accomplish their goals, whatever they may be, those goals are always or had been at that time were always typically objective. They were things that we could measure. Right. That's, that's...