Relationships, like cars, require regular maintenance in order to keep running smoothly and to avoid breakdowns. We must commit to addressing problems as they arise. This is in fact part of good relationship maintenance. If our partner starts making a noise, or we do for that matter, usually in the form of some kind of unhappiness or dissatisfactio…

Relationships do not maintain themselves. Day-to-day work in committed relationships is vital for their survival. I am convinced it is this consistent effort that ensures couples stand a chance of creating a relationship that is more healthy, more stable, more enjoyable, and more satisfying. It is this steady care and attention, that serves to prot…

Self-regulation is a facet of emotional intelligence. It is the ability to engage control over our own thoughts, emotions, and impulses. It is at the heart of healthy and mature relationships. If our relationships are to survive, we need to develop a capacity to pause when we are faced with a difficult thought or feeling. Take some time to consider…

When it comes to building strength, a major turning point occurred for me when I understood in no uncertain terms, that I was responsible for the quality and outcome of my life no matter what I had encountered as a child. Part of this involved being able to clearly, and honestly identify personal weaknesses, so that I could work out how to overcome…

What is your relationship with yourself like? I ask many clients this question as it often occurs to me early on in our working relationship that people don’t appear to know themselves very well at all. The knowing of oneself is an essential aspect of the feeling of wholeness and a necessary component of authenticity. These feelings are worth striv…

It seems to me; most people nowadays think that happy couples are somehow lucky. That they perhaps managed to find ‘the one’ and that the seemingly blissful union they share is a result of good fortune. Most people have it wrong. It is truer to say that often, those of us who would describe ourselves as fulfilled and secure in our unions, have in f…

In my work with couples, it is common to see each person attributing the cause of their unhappiness to their partner. One partner will insist they would be happy if only the other would just sort themselves out and become a better person. Part of my work involves helping the couple to consider what they each might be bringing to the relationship th…