"Merry Christmas ya filthy animal...and a happy New Year" Episode 69 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1992 bird womaning, sticky banditing, Trump cameoing classic Home Alone 2 : Lost In New York. Mark & Ryan discuss dodgy tax deductions, balloon sculpting and Nelson builds on his theories about Peter McAllister an…

"Better to be someone for a day than no one for a lifetime." Episode 68 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2005 sheep shooting, FILA wearing, cunt ordering classic The Business. Mark & Ryan discuss dentists, Wicked and Nelson reveals the wildest film fact yet. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the pod…

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you might miss it" Episode 67 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1986 school skipping, Ferrari joyriding, Danke Schoening classic Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Mark & Ryan discuss Gladiator 2, what happened to Cullen's socks and Nelson presents …

"I'll give you a war you wouldn't believe." Episode 66 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1982 vagrant arresting, mineshaft crawling, PTSDing classic First Blood. Mark & Ryan discuss poppies, why London is shite and the Mount Rushmore of action stars. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, wha…

"You can't let the animals die in a movie, only the women." Episode 65 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2012 dog kidnapping, Irish alcoholicing, Joshua Tree shoot-outing classic Seven Psychopaths. Mark & Ryan discuss the US election result, the Edinburgh beheading and whether Cullen is a psychopath. Please get in …

"We are never going into the woods again" Episode 64 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2003 organ jarring, rednecking, in breeding horror Wrong Turn. Mark & Ryan discuss stealing from train companies, Trump on Rogan and cannibals. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like …

"What's your favourite scary movie?" Episode 63 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1996 Barrymore slashing, Arquette stabbing, ghost facing classic Scream. Mark & Ryan discuss DIY haircuts, sex after relatives have died and why the Woodsboro police force are the worst in the world. Please get in touch and let us kno…

"I'm too old for this shit" Episode 62 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1987 building jumping, bullet eating, mullet sporting classic Lethal Weapon. Mark & Ryan discuss new bald news, sexual tension with opticians and why this is ones of the greatest action films of all time. Please get in touch and let us know if…

"69, dudes" Episode 61 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1989 most bodacious, most triumphant, most excellent classic Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. Mark & Ryan discuss car troubles, time paradoxes and the many crimes of Genghis Khan. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'…

“I am the law” Episode 60 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2012 people skinning, ma ma-ing, slo-mo-ing classic Dredd. Mark and Ryan talk about school reunions, Eric Clapton's kids, and why slo-mo is cool. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on in future episo…

“In Vegas, everybody’s gotta watch everybody else.” Episode 59 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1995 card cheating, orange suit wearing, head in a vice-ing classic Casino. Mark and Ryan talk about murdering Cullen's cat, taking a shit in the Vatican and whether Sharon Stone would suck Joe Pesci off. Please get in …

"I wonder who won Daytona" Episode 58 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1993, plutonium handling, Soviet Unioning, Alister Macleaning bag of shite Death Train Mark and Ryan talk about Dizzie Rascal, punching bags and everyone hating James Corden. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what gu…

"You're not Death. You're just a kid in a suit." Episode 57 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1998 multiple car crashing, peanut buttering, never ending horror show Meet Joe Black. Mark and Ryan talk about 9/11 jokes, which drinks belong in which receptacles and ponder what Death would ejaculate. Please get in touc…

"So say it once, say it loud: I'm black and I'm proud" Episode 56 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the soul singing, Wilson Picketting, Mustang Sallying classic, The Commitments Mark and Ryan talk about Chris Benoit, band names and why this film perfectly represents Dublin. Please get in touch and let us know if you e…

"What is it with this chick? She have beer flavoured nipples?" Episode 55 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the Shakespearing, Frankie Valli singing, teacher flashing shitshow 10 Things I Hate About You. Mark and Ryan talk about the Oasis reunion, the rules of wet-shirt contests and why none of the schoolteachers in th…

"What's wrong Dillon, CIA got you pushing too many pencils" Episode 54 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the greased muscling, testosterone spunking, Arnie quipping classic Predator. Mark and Ryan talk about Bond girls, which British celebrity would play the Predator and why this might be the greatest film ever made. P…

"I see dead people" Episode 53 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the Donnie Wahlberging , twisty turning, cheese dicking classic The Sixth Sense. Mark and Ryan talk about the Fringe, invent the game Cum Ball, and discuss what ghosts can actually do. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what gue…

"My Father saw me play Fulham" Episode 52 of Absolute Cuts is the second of our Euros specials. This week's episode sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the globe trotting, Geordie stereotyping, Zinedine Zidaneing bin fire, Goal. Mark and Ryan talk about the Euros, racist Mexicans and why none of this film would every happen. Please get i…

"This frigging game is ruining my life" Episode 51 of Absolute Cuts is the first of our Euros specials. This week's episode sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the arm breaking, Victoire chanting, overhead kicking classic Escape To Victory. Mark and Ryan talk about Glastonbury, Pele talking like Borat and the sheer pointlessness of life.…

"If there's one thing the last week has taught me, it's better to have a gun and not need it than need a gun and not have it." Episode 50 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the roller coasting, call girling, coming home in a body bagging classic True Romance. Mark and Ryan talk about the Euros, Cillit Bang and shagging …

"I guess you guys aren't ready for that yet. But your kids are gonna love it." Episode 49 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1985 time travelling, flux capaciting, 1.21 gigawatting classic Back To The Future. Mark and Ryan talk about Cullen's tumour, Nelson's hair and how hot your younger Mum would have to be before…

"I like these calm little moments before the storm." Episode 48 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1994 family slaying, contract killing, inappropriate sleepovering classic Leon The Professional. Mark and Ryan talk about how easy it would be to kill a pensioner, drinking milk in a car and why this film is just Luc B…

"Lawrence of my labia" Episode 47 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2010 camel riding, gay weddinging, hot nanny obsessing, desert storm of shit Sex And The City 2. Mark and Ryan talk about rainy music festivals, selling a house and how this film manages to be simultaneously racist, sexist, classist, homophobic and…

"I always was a sucker for a redhead." Episode 46 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2000 Porsche jacking, Ferrari boosting, low-riding classic, Gone In 60 Seconds. Mark and Ryan talk about what they would do for £27 million, lawnmowers and why no one in this film is good at their job. Please get in touch and let us…

"I put a bird on my head." Episode 45 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2008 altar jilting, closet building, Vivienne Westwooding, binfire Sex And The City. Mark and Ryan talk about Eurovision, why not one character in this horrific film is likeable at all and Cullen reads Nelson some of James Joyce's love letters.…

"Pain does not exist in this dojo, does it?" Episode 44 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1984, leg weeping, body bag getting, wax on/wax offing classic The Karate Kid. Mark and Ryan talk about the bald men meeting up, Nelson becoming an ice bath guy and Cullen's theory on how Miyagi made his money. Please get in t…

"You're an inanimate f**cking object" Episode 43 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2008, sight-seeing, Canadian punching, alcove dwelling classic In Bruges. Mark and Ryan talk about the Irish, Belgium and how to survive a tsunami. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like …

"GET OFF MY PLANE" Episode 42 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1997, plane hijacking, Harrison Fording, shite CGI-ing classic Air Force One. Mark and Ryan talk about balaclavas, Cullen trying to organise a game of 5's and what cool things Air Force One actually has? Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy…

"Not at the table Carlos" Episode 41 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2009, teeth pulling, tiger stealing, hooker marrying classic The Hangover. Mark and Ryan talk about Lady Gaga, treating a cut thumb and of course, VEGAS BABY. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like t…

"Sometime I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion." Episode 40 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2001, world saving, portal opening, 6ft rabbiting classic Donnie Darko. Mark and Ryan talk about Cullen getting a cat, teenage angst and why you are a bellend if you have an expensive bike. Please get in touch and let…

"Gentlemen, let's broaden our minds." Episode 39 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1989, caped crusading, rhubarb rubbing, pale moonlight dancing classic Batman. Mark and Ryan talk about horny Joker, the Bat Cock and take smelling salts during the record. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast…

"People look at me and see my brother." Episode 38 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1999, kerb stomping, flag waving, shower assaulting classic American History X. Mark and Ryan talk about the Oscars, Edward Furlong and how many books Hitler wrote. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what…

"Those damn Gideons" Episode 37 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1996, mask wearing, disavowing, NOC list stealing classic Mission Impossible. Mark and Ryan talk about peanuts, old email addresses and the worst thing you could steal from the CIA. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what g…

"I'd suck a fart out her asshole and hold it like a bong hit" Episode 36 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2007, frisbee throwing, breast showing, penguin's ass eating shitshow Good Luck Chuck. Mark and Ryan talk about Cullen being in Australia, red pandas and they struggle to convey how truly truly awful this film…

"Requesting permission to shake the hand of the daughter of the bravest man I've ever met" Episode 35 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1998, oil drilling, astronaut training, don't wanna miss a thinging classic Armageddon, Mark and Ryan talk about accidental racism, animal crackers in pubic hair and how mental a b…

"Wilsonnnnnnnnn" Episode 34 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2000, parcel delivering, fire starting, raft building classic Castaway, Mark and Ryan talk about buying a gun, cursed hats and how long it would take us to shag a volleyball. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd…

"If you're a bird then I'm a bird" Episode 33 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2004, emotionally manipulating, care home dying, too many birding film The Notebook. Mark and Ryan talk about Tenerife, Skegness and whether Henry Cavill is better looking than Ryan Gosling. Please get in touch and let us know if you en…

"Either we heal as a team, or we’re going to crumble, inch by inch, play by play, til we’re finished." Episode 32 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1999, quarterbacking, tight ending', inch by inching classic Any Given Sunday. Mark and Ryan talk about Cullen being hit by cars, dodgy NFL team names and Willie, Willi…

"I have been offered a lot for my work but never everything" Episode 31 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1960, gunslingin', bandit chasin', village savin' The Magnificent Seven. Mark and Ryan talk Nelson's latest injury, cowboy names and Cullen's taxes\. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast…

"You're my boy Blue" Episode 30 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2003, going streaking, tranquiliser darting, earmuffing classic Old School. Mark and Ryan talk fraternities, rider demands and argue a lot about Saltburn. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on …

"Can you fly Bobby?" Episode 29 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1987, gun twirling, toxic wasting, dollar buying classic Robocop. Mark and Ryan talk about the Epstein List, what they got up to over Christmas, and why Murphy dying is all his partner's fault. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the pod…

"I love that word, 'relationship.' Covers all manner of sins, doesn't it?" Episode 28 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2003, spouse betraying, sex obsessed, fat shaming, Christmas classic Love Actually. Mark and Ryan talk about every single thing that is wrong with this absolute bin fire of a film. (Mark actually …

"Attaboy Clarence" Episode 27 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1946, moon lassoing, wings achieving, Christmas classic, It's A Wonderful Life. Mark and Ryan talk about Christmas gigs, competitive drinking and why life would be better if Ryan had never been born. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the…

“Let the kids know that from now on, it's El Padre” Episode 25 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2017, Bono singing, telephone pole cutting, Christmas classic, Daddy's Home 2. Mark and Ryan talk about auditions, whether you should say "I love You" to your family, and why John Cena does so much charity work. Please …

“Keep the change, ya filthy animal.” Episode 25 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1990, child abandoning, burglar torturing, Christmas classic Home Alone. Mark and Ryan talk about jumpers, Ryan's first job, and Mark offers up some wild theories about the McAllister family. Please get in touch and let us know if you…

“When I was a kid, we were so poor that the roaches was on welfare.” Episode 24 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2001, Apollo playing, body inhabiting, comedy classic Down To Earth. Mark and Ryan talk about meeting Stifler’s Mom, John Lewis ads, and where they stand in the pecking order of comedy. Please get in to…

“Hey, you guys” Episode 23 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1985 treasure hunting, truffle shuffling, adventure classic The Goonies. Mark and Ryan talk about inhaler sex, how to pronounce words, and what exactly happened to Sloth. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like…

“As far back as I can remember I always wanted to be a gangster” Episode 22 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1990 shoe shine box getting, garlic slicing, gangster epic Goodfellas. Mark and Ryan talk about Nelson's hatred of people on Instagram, Kit Kats, and whether we could be made men" Please get in touch and le…

“Your mother’s ass is so hairy…it looks like Don King’s about to pop out and say, “Only in America!” Episode 21 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2004 prosthetic, race fest, White Chicks. Mark and Ryan talk about celebrities dying, Terry Crews and some real tough Would You Rather questions. Please get in touch and …

"Hail Paimon" Episode 20 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2018 grief stricken head spinner, Hereditary, in the second of the Halloween Specials. Mark and Ryan talk about Halloween costumes, seances and the 7 Kings of Hell. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see …