Chapter 158, Fame Coin, Different Fides. It's 9.01am on 24th April 2024 and a giddy Richard Herring is heading out to the Ftocean, desperate to finish his task before it is too late. And don't skip this one, it includes some important info on what to do with stones that are to your left or right and a desperate plea to make love to a man in a flat …

Chapter 157 - Ye Ftone Fettee. It's 8.38am on 18th April 2024 and the first recorded stone clear in almost two months, so most of the podcast is the reading out of the thousands of aggrieved emails that Richard definitely got about his absence, not none like you thought. The end may be in sight though for the podcast, but that is not a reason to gi…

Chapter 156 - Deadline. It's 17 o'clock or so on 20th February 2024 and after daily podcasting in 2023 this is the first recorded clear of the year and the FF are out in force. Is the end in fight? And why do all the cairns look so unimpressive after all this work?โดย British Comedy Guide

Chapter 155: Breezy Penif. It's just after 2pm on 20th December 2023 and a pyjama-clad Herring is doing what he does best, clearing stones and inexpertly commenting on it. There's a medieval fong and foggy focks and an attempt to recover the lost WhatsApp messages as well as some news about the birth date of Jefuf and whether ftone clearing might b…

Chapter 154 - Moff. It's lunchtime on 29th November 2023 and it's a bit of a tired clear as Richard has just been for a run. Still nothing in this podcast happens by accident and there's a leffon here for you all. So make sure you listen to it all!โดย British Comedy Guide

Chapter 153: Frifky Bufineff. It's 5.24pm on 7th November 2023 and it's DARK. Too dark to see a stone, especially if your torch runs out of power. Richard is feeling frisky, but luckily there are no FF on the Stocean to help relieve him of this sexual tension. There's singing, there's fexineff and there are very few stones cleared.…

Chapter 152 - Get Back In Your Rembrandt Painting. It's around 9.30am on 25th October 2023 and the daily stone clears continue. The Stone Stasi are back in force, but who started this war and is it a case of right and wrong or more nuanced that that? NO, the stone clearers are good and the stone Stasi are evil. Plus a look at the strangely altered …

Chapter 151 - Welly Boot Jeopardy. It's before 5pm on the 12th October 2023 and Rich is hoping Duckett's Passage is open for business cos he has some stones to clear. It's a super eventful clear with football managers of undetermined gender and sex-swapped sex-criminals and birds composing symphonies on the telephone lines. Plus will Rich come a cr…

Chapter 150 - Fticks and Ftones. It's 4.22pm on 5th October 2023 and there's very bad news for the believers in the Alpha and Omega God or those that think the Stocean can only be accessed by a portal and for those who want to hear a man talking about stones, not about walking along a street. Eventually there is some stone clearing, but it's not ve…

Chapter 149: The Alfred Jewel. It's 8.22am on 29th September 2023 and the daily stone clearing podcasts continue. The sky is grey and the ground is damp and it should be perfect stone clearing conditions, but a sudden influx of FF working in a pincer movement prove disruptive and potentially fatal. Richard still manages to clear a Hermione handful …

Chapter 148 - Flug. It's 5.50ish on 20th September and it's piffing down, but stone clears must clear. Richard mourns the cairn that has gone flat, but vows to rebuild and measures the angle of the rain and moans about wetting his trousers, but his advice about the stone diet and how to get net zero nice and quickly. Mainly by everyone following th…

Chapter 147 - Ye Great Walle of Ftraw. It's coming up to 5.30pm on 16th August 2023 and the daily clear continues, but with a difference (apart from the last two or three days) - the crop has been harvested and Haffelhoffing is once again possible. There are still dangers and difficulties - straw lies on the ground like snow and their are walls tha…

Chapter 146 Crop Circlef - It's 1.30pm on the 10th August 2023 and the daily stone clearing podcasts are still somehow continuing. Have alien stone clearers come to the Stocean to clear some stones off the very planet? You'll have to liften to find out. Very little stone clearing today, but at least you're not listening to a podcast about whether t…

Chapter 145 - Ftone Antf. It's some time around 2pm on 20th July 2023 (email for more details) and Richard'f loofe lipf almoft give away where he if really from. But I think he covers it up OK. He has lots of intermediate tips for the quite good stone clearer, including how to avoid stone mushrooms and the terrifying true story of the stone clearer…

Chapter 144 - Difappointing Fcotch Thiftle. It's 6.14pm on Wednesday 5th July 2023 and there's a chance of rain and petrichor, but Richard has had one soaking this week, and is prepared to risk it to emulate a young Theresa May. And he may be quickly out of breath, but he has a new energy that has escaped him for the rest of the year, so it's the p…

Chapter 143 Fcythe - It's about 6.15pm on 28th June 2023 and Rich is out for his daily podcast. Hard to believe he's kept this up all year. But for the first time you can find out how to apply for an envelope of his gametes. Plus some embarrassment for Wolfie. And a new bone based measuring system. The recording went wrong and Richard attempted to …

Chapter 142: Fhredded Wheat. It's 5.01pm on 25th May 2023 and there's only 7 months to non-stone Christmas, but there are no holidays for stone clearers and this chapter gives those of you who judge the dead something to think about when it comes to the scales of justice. Also explains how difficult it is to clear stones when faced with a beautiful…

Nettlef Nettlef Nettlef Nettlef Nettlef Nettlef Nettlef Nettlef. It's just before 5pm on 19th May and it's time for an evening stone clear for a very tired boy. And it's not unlike that poem by Tennyson but more nettles and fewer cannons. There's plenty of tips for dealing with the dry ground and the high crops and a message from one of the many ce…

Chapter 140 Nurfery Rhymef. It's 9.29am on 7th May 2023 and the bunting is flying for King Charles the Turd. Richard has picked up another bug and the stocean is as sodden as an actual ocean, but stone clearing must be done. Richard ponders what the cuffs of trousers are called (it's cuffs if you're interested) and speculates about the genitalia of…

Chapter 139, Goffamer. It's 8:15am on 29th April and another day of stone clearing begins. Richard tries to encourage his many teenage fans to enjoy their lives whilst they are young and tries to sort out whether you need to clear teeth from the stocean, plus experiences one of the many dangers of nature that can afflict the inattentive stone clear…

Chapter 138, Ye Long Way, Wrong Way Round. It's 17.25 on 19th April 2023 and The Stone Ftafi play a move that turns the whole stone clearing world back to front and upside down and sends Richard dizzy and thinking life may be about to end. Richard is a maverick and breaks a lot of rules this evening and lets slip about his fecret cairn that can be …

Brown Fingerf. It's nearly 6pm on 12th April 2023 and the daily 2023 podcasts continue with a classic, with some inter-species bodily fluid swapping, the importance of finding a window in the weather, an alliterative Morlock and how to spot a fake stone clearer. Also there are some stones cleared.โดย British Comedy Guide

Chapter #136: Burrowing Wolvef and the Daffodilf of Fpring. It's 8.15am on 25th March 2023 and the 2023 daily stone clearing podcasts continue. Fpring hath Fprung, but it only shows the ridiculously of petty organic material and how little we think of our mothers. Plus how to cope with the changing temperatures at different points of the year and w…

Fly Tipper. It's just after lunch on 3rd February 2023 and Richard is upset by what people have put at the edge of his beautiful field. Who would just chuck stuff around willy nilly like that? Today you will find out about the beautiful reminders that stones leave of themselves when they are taken from the field and how you can make more stones out…

Chapter 134: When the Foil Turns to Ftone. It's 8.45am on 19th January 2023 and the resolution to do a stone clearing podcast a day this year has not gone too well, but will definitely happen from now on. It's a podcast full of incident, with frozen gates, ground as hard as stone, medieval songs and poems, terrifying new tactics from the Ftone Ftaf…

Chapter 133 - Pommel Hat Trick. It's just before 10am on 1st January 2023 - a new year and a new resolution that will keep you full up with stone clearing all year. There's some sneaky work from the Ftone Ftafi and there's some bad news for one section of our listenership, but I don't take the rules and there are no rules. Plus human wee, dog diarr…

Chapter 132 - Diplodocuf. It's 8.04am on what might be the 29th December 2022 and it's the last podcast of the year. Today we find out about the double and the importance of the periphery and why Newton's Law of Motion means that stones can not propel themselves, but are capable of steering and a Great Escape. Plus an email in from somewhere that c…

Chapter 131 Berocca Wee - It's about 8.45am on 17th December 2022 and the snow lies deep and crisp and even. Which makes stone clearing pretty tricky. So welcome to an early Pro edition of the podcast where Rich shows what you have to do to clear in these conditions. And a miracle doth come to paff that fhall prove the exiftence of the Ftone Godf t…

Chapter 130 - Pacman. It's 12.53pm on 4th December and it's a rare Sunday lunchtime stone clear. It's intermediate but the odd pro tip might slip through. There's a real email. Which isn't unusual obviously. And then another real email at the end with yet another listener after Richard's gametes. Plus why it's important to have a false family and R…

Chapter 129: Wet Fock. It's 5.25pm on 16th November 2022 which can mean only one thing - Night Clear. In the rain too. Which means you can learn the important technique of picking up wet stones to get the least mud on your finger. Plus a wellington emergency and memories of the night that stone clearing almost killed Richard and his wish for that d…

Chapter 128 - Brick and China. It's 8:30am on 1st November 2022 and Rich is back to getting fit and back out on the Stocean. There are some hints of the hard level chapters to come, the echelons of stone Heaven and the problems of the periphery. Plus are stones gendered and which ones can you have sex with without being branded a pervert. Rich has …

Chapter 127 - Fquafhed Hedgehog. It's 8:52am on 26th Feptember 2022 and the Ftocean has seen some changes, but it's not Ftone Chriftmaf yet. Richard mourns a fellow fwimmer in the great Ftocean, but feels he can not say the things he wants to say in this day and age where you can no longer say what you want to say, despite all the people who say th…

Chapter 126: Chunky Chew Chew! It's nearly 8.30am on the 16th September 2022 and the stones they must be cleared. There's some wonderful olde hymns to the Alpha and Omega Gods and some terrific chunks. If you like chunks this is the chapter for you. But only if you've listened to all previous chapters. Plus another member of a famous family gets in…

Chapter 125 - No Fex Pleafe, We're Ftone Clearerf. It's after 6pm on 30th August 2022 and Richard is in repentant mood for his giddiness upon his return. There will be no titillation in this episode though (apart from the tit in titillation) and there can be strictly no self-pleasure. There are perils round every corner and an unexpected diversion.…

Chapter 124 - Ftone Halloween. It's 8:14am on the 25th August 2022 and after a month of stone rest, Herring is back. Will the Ftocean be clear of crops and if so what wonders shall Herring find? Remember size and hardness is not important in any way, but you always remember the particularly hard ones, plus a stone the size of a child's head, but wh…

Chapter 123 - Thiftle Be Ye Laft One of Ye Fummer. It's 5:23pm on 26th July 2022 and the sun is burning hotter than it looks like it'll be and a dehydrated Richard Herring barely manages to clear a stone, let alone talk about it. The thiftles cheer him on his way to Fcotchland and the bramblef magically appear for to give him fuccour. If the Stone …

Chapter 122 - Daify Duke. It's the evening time of 20th July 2022 and after a hiatus the stone clearing podcast is back to tell you how to clear stones when the earth's vagina is baked hard and the crops are thick. In the heat of the summer this is an exceptional sexual chapter and must not be listened to children or adults who don't like to listen…

Chapter 121 - Fometimef ye ftonef are Filent. It's about 5.15pm on 7th June 2022 and it's been a month since the last podcasted stone clear, so we have to feel our way back together. Stripped back to basics, fighting some of the most difficult conditions known to stone clearers and seeing the sprouting of this year's poppies and thistles that come …

Chapter 120 Moifture - It's before 8am on the 4th May 2022 and Richard is off for a second crack at Chapter 120, the first having been recorded from inside his pocket (though attached at the end of this podcast for completists). Rich gets one foot from a possum-playing rabbit, sees a spooky tree, pontificates on water, the enemy of stone and whethe…

Chapter 119 - Horfe. It's just after 8am on the 8th April 2022 and luckily Richard knows the facts about the sun so isn't scared that it's behind clouds. He has discovered strange markings in the crops that might indicate a lost stone clearing community and for the first time in ages he's gone all Charley Boorman and is taking the long way round. T…

Chapter 118 - Fimile. It's 5.45pm on 31st March 2022 and the ftone gods are fending more terrible weather to blight Richard's attempts. But what is the snow like? There are some talking stones and a bit about daffodils. And another visit from a mysterious figure.โดย British Comedy Guide

Chapter One One Feven - I'm Not Faying I'm Jefuf. It's 7.45am on the 9th March 2022 and there's a little bit of a wind going on and Wolfie is making enemies and friends, as we return to the Ftone Ocean for another important chapter in the audio binder that is Stone Clearing. Rich reveals news about lost Fhakefpeare plays and gofpels - how does he k…

Chapter One One Fix - Felfridgef. It's 7.45am on 3rd March 2022 and it's time for a nice quiet stone clear. Why don't we just enjoy the views and have less of the yapping? Some stones are cleared, the main cairn is coming along lovely, look and Rich lets you know what he'd do if he was CEO of various companies.…

Chapter 115 - Donald Finden. It's 5.50pm on 20th February 2022 and Richard heads outside and is surprised to see that it's lightly raining. He does not know what is to come. I do not think it is hyperbole to say that what he encounters is as challenging as climbing Everest, but it's been transplanted to the bottom of the Marianas Trench without oxy…

Chapter 114 - Pink! It's just before midday on 13th February 2022 and after a week amongst the stones of Wales, Richard is back where he belongs, watching a dog poo in a bush. There's a spooky encounter with a goblin baby and the domination of an unusual hue, plus more stone clearing advice for the intermediate stone clearer who probably doesn't ye…

Chapter 113 Ftone Fhelf. Richard is confused about the date but it's 26th January 2022 at 5.15pm - it's getting dark, Richard's had Covid and the Stone Stasi are waiting at the first corner, but nothing can stop stone clearing except our inevitable and imminent deaths. Richard is back with more intermediate tips and explains how to turn yourself in…

Chapter 112 - Jefuf Versus Reef-Mogg - It's nearly lunchtime on 27th December and Richard is having more technical issues, especially when he tries to do his bit about Omega versus Omicron which goes missing for the second time in two podcasts. Hopefully it settles down once Firi is turned off because Rich has some messages about the true meaning o…

Chapter 111 - Furry Dog Fhit. It's 3.40pm on 21st December 2022 and Richard is taking a look back over a turbulent year for stones of all kinds, plus a seasonal look at which of the seven dwarves Richard would choose to pleasure (with their consent). The Stone Stasi are out in force and somehow manage to interrupt transmission just at the end of th…

Chapter 110 - Leafy Tricksters - It's just before 6pm on 30th November 2021 and after back pain and bugs, Herring and Dog are back with their hilarious stone-based double act. Includes faffing with taking pictures, trying to open a dog poo bag in the dark and more high-jinx. How much weight of stonage has been removed in the three years this has be…

Chapter 109 - Path of Conkerf. It's just before 5pm on 14th October 2021 and it's a fine autumn night to visit a freshly ploughed field to clear easy stones that a child could clear. But what should you do when presented with such easy stony booty? You should take care my friends. For the FF are lulling you and Halloween is just around the corner.…