Heidi Benjaminsen Coaching สาธารณะ
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The Confidence Coach for Mothers of Teenagers, Heidi Benjaminsen, helps women stay calm and confident while navigating the turbulent waters of parenting teens. Heidi's insight into how our brain works and what creates our emotions helps women stay OFF the teenage emotional rollercoaster and regain control over how they show up. Listen and become the model of confidence you want your children to be. A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family!
 
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show series
 
We all are going to get accidentally and intentionally hurt by others because we’re all human. When we do get hurt (especially when there is no intent), we need to understand the purpose of pain, the purpose of guilt and be able to sit with the discomfort of both. We are responsible to validate and express our pain, while also NOT hurting back. We …
 
Arrogance is not confidence, although some may confuse the two and think they are the same. Arrogant people have a low self-esteem, they are constantly comparing themselves to others and need to be better to feel good. Confident people, on the other hand, like themselves and do not need to compare themselves outward to feel good. Listen to Heidi ex…
 
Running a marathon, writing a book, making $1 million dollars, starting a restaurant, getting re-married… some of these feel IMPOSSIBLE to us. But they are not impossible if we decide we REALLY want to do them. Listen to Heidi talk with Felicia Broccolo, a coach who helps women turn the impossible into reality. Learn how to anticipate obstacles, wh…
 
Asking questions that actually get your teen talking to you is a skill and one of the most powerful tools we have to create lasting relationships. We have to remember we DON’T know what they are thinking and we have to be genuinely curious. Listen as Heidi shares ways to change our mindset and ways to ask questions that get your teen talking. Learn…
 
Raise your hand if you have a hard time accepting compliments. I hope that we all have our hands raised. I know I do. But why is that? Social Scientists have a lot of ideas why, and we can talk about those in this episode, but it all boils down to why we bat that compliment away and don’t receive the nice gift that has been given to us. That’s not …
 
When a mother invests in her own confidence, security and self-love, she is in a position to “gift” these same emotions to her children. Listen to the beautiful episode where I interview a client and friend of mine who has done some amazing work over the past year. Alisha shares her insecurities before coaching, specifically her worry about telling…
 
Heidi shares a story about a trip she took a few years ago, where her GPS took her off the “direct path” and a beautiful trip that unfolded. Heidi shares many lessons from this trip about the options for worry, stress or calm and relaxation as our GPS (or the GPS of our teens) takes them on a path different from others. Learn helpful ways to suppor…
 
Envy and jealousy are emotions that, if they drive our lives, create disconnection with others and block gratitude and love. The more we like ourselves, the more we can manage our jealousy and love others. Listen as Heidi gives examples of how we act when jealous (critical, shaming, talking about others behind their back, judging) including specifi…
 
We mentally put people on pedestals when we elevate everything about them to be amazing, perfect, the greatest of all time, etc. This isn’t just admiring and respecting these people - this is expecting them to be perfect in all ways because they do excel in some ways. When we do this, we create disconnection with these people we revere and we’re se…
 
Often we share with others how excited and happy we are to do new, exciting things... and we forget to mention that we're ALSO scared, nervous and fearful. Social media is full of excitement and we rarely post about how terrified we were as well during the adventure. Listen as Heidi shares several examples of why it is important to label and discus…
 
Everyone wants to know their feelings and experiences are "okay" and normal, and we seek this validation from other people. Our teens are especially anxious that everything they are feeling is "normal". Empathy is the fuel that will ground and anchor our teens into being confident in how they are experiencing life. They desperately want to know it'…
 
It can be tempting to use guilt as emotional fuel to get our teens to do what we want them to do. The danger of using guilt for compliance is this models inappropriate and immature communication and manipulation. Guilt will always create resentment and disconnection - two things we all do NOT want part of our relationships with our teens. Our teens…
 
Guilt is a powerful emotional tool humans use to get other people to do things for us. But no one likes feeling "guilted" into doing things - guilt is a terrible emotion to use as fuel and it brings resentment and disconnection along with it. Listen to hear how to recognize when someone is trying to guilt you into meeting their needs and hear examp…
 
Confident people take the first step, introduce themselves to others, smile, start uncomfortable conversations, apologize, invite others... confident people take the initiative. Confident people are willing to feel vulnerable and endure rejection because they want the results that come from taking the initiative - deeper relationships, more friends…
 
Everyday we have opportunities to either respond, or react, to our teenagers. Reacting feels out of control and creates disconnection and defensiveness. Responding requires us to anchor our emotions and take responsibility for our words and emotions. Listen as Heidi gives many examples of how to pause and get out of reaction mode. Hear phrases to u…
 
If you find yourself navigating how to support, love and accept an LGTBQ+ teen or loved one, listen to this conversation Heidi has with Jenie Hunter - lucky mother of an LGBTQ son, coach, podcaster and all around warm soul. Jenie shares her own journey, her fears, her mistakes and the enormous blessings she has being the mother of an LGBTQ child. L…
 
Life is hard. Having the faith to keep showing up, putting one foot in front of another, to face the struggles and uncertainty of a new day... is hard. In this episode Heidi shares how she has been dealing with the hard of life recently. Its easy to think other people aren't feeling the hard like you are... but in reality... we are. We just don't s…
 
The first skill to anchor our emotions and beliefs is to learn how to watch and observe our thoughts. Being able to identify what is going on in our brain gives us power over what we are thinking and creating in life. Listen as Heidi explains how to stop, get still and observe what is going on in your head. Heidi teaches we are not our thoughts, we…
 
We all have someone in our life who seems "difficult", a child who triggers everything about us, an in-law or neighbor who constantly rubs us the wrong way. Learning how to love these people is a gift we give ourselves - WE get to feel better, we grow in our capacity to accept differences. Listen as Heidi lists many "love facts" with examples of ho…
 
Every time we think our teen or spouse SHOULDN'T be the way they are, think that life SHOULDN'T have gone the way it did, and WISHING our circumstances were different... we resist accepting reality. Which leaves us powerless to create any future change and feel better. Listen as Heidi walks listeners through several small ways in which we resist ac…
 
There is a secret to how to connect with our teens that certified life and teen coach Ben Pugh shares in a fantastic conversation with Heidi. Listen as Ben shares that our teens think we've lost hope in them and how to change what we're thinking to feel MORE hope. Learn how to connect with our teens where THEY are and the powerful changes possible …
 
We create most of our frustration, stress and worry by taking on problems and trying to control things that are not ours to control. By trying to direct and "drive" the lives of others, we aren't paying careful attention to our own responsibilities and control what we actually CAN control - our life, our responses, our actions and more. Listen as H…
 
One of the ways we can change what we believe is possible for ourselves is to "borrow belief" that others have in us or that others have about what is possible. When we see what others have done, we can choose to believe "it is possible for me to achieve this" or "this person believes I have the potential". Listen as Heidi teaches how to look to ot…
 
At the beginning of the year, I challenge you to focus LESS on the goals you want to achieve and MORE on who you want to BECOME this year. Sure, pick a goal that seems fun. Then who you need to BECOME to achieve this. Listen as Heidi shares how to visualize a River of Becoming that has currents and obstacles in which you will BECOME someone who is …
 
When we're feeling "un-anchored" and out of control emotionally, there is a way to pivot our emotions and "re-anchor" them. Learn as Heidi teaches a tool to get control of our emotions and remind our body that WE are creating what we are feeling (not someone or something else). Listen to episode 115 to hear the importance of what we say after "I am…
 
Listen as Heidi shares the thoughts and questions that have anchored her through this year, especially a year full of disagreement and social discord. Learn how to distance our own opinions about how other people are living their life with our own opinions. Each thought and question helps get us back in our own lane and focusing on how we show up. …
 
Sitting in regret of the past or worry and anxiety about the future, robs us from enjoying and experiencing our present. In the holiday season, it's easy to rush to get things done - to think the future will be better than today. Listen as Heidi teaches us tools and questions to get our mind out of "there" and back to "here" and the present. There …
 
Our brains like to make opinions and assumptions like math equations - if this happens (A plus B), then the only result is this (equals C). If my child goes to college, they will be successful. These beliefs serve us well... until they don't. Until we realize life is NOT a math equation. Life is all in the gray area, where we can't see all of the v…
 
While you're deciding which side dish you'll be bringing to the holiday party, take some time to decide the Emotional Dishes you'll be bringing as well. Let someone else bring stress, criticism and perfectionism - we can bring other emotional vibes. Listen as Heidi shares how to bring Acceptance, Curiosity and Amusement to your holiday gatherings. …
 
Disappointment is what we feel when life (people, events, our circumstances) does not meet our expectations and we feel "displeasure". Learning how to "own" we are creating this emotion and feel disappointment is actually a very powerful tool to anchor us to show up calmly and securely for our children. It's important to let our children feel disap…
 
Resentment creeps into our life when we think life isn't fair, when things or people shouldn't be how they are or we feel betrayed. Resentment makes us the victim of our lives. Gratitude is the antidote to resentment - we can't feel resentment and gratitude at the same time. Gratitude is a courageous and vulnerable choice we make to take back our e…
 
Listen as Heidi teaches you the one way to determine if the way we "handle" emotions is healthy processing or unhealthy buffering of emotions. We don't always need to sit and feel for hours on end. We can go for walks, talk to friends, clean closets and more. What we're doing is less the issue. We always want to be considering what RESULT we create…
 
In this personal episode, Heidi shares two examples of managing her emotions, the exact thoughts that kept her anchored and how this impacted her family. In the first example, Heidi's daughter has a real, angry meltdown and Heidi shares how she stayed calm (it was hard!) and the positive consequences of this. In the second example, Heidi shares how…
 
Few people WANT to do laundry, but we all want clean clothes. Few of us WANT to exercise but we all want the benefits of having DONE the exercise. Learning how to do things we don't want to do, learning to do things even if we don't like it is what separates people who achieve goals from those who quit... or don't start at all. Listen as Heidi teac…
 
Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is an LDS relationship and sexuality therapist, counselor and coach who joins Heidi for a conversation about confidence. They discuss how to acknowledge and own our imperfections, understanding our identity and how our children learn to be confident in their sexuality by watching their parents. Listen as they share their…
 
We're hardest on ourselves. We expect perfection, no mistakes, zero flaws, 100 on every test... so we're constantly disappointing our inner selves. Our insides have forgotten we're human and full of cracks, weaknesses and missteps. Learning to see our real human nature and give ourselves grace is our work. It's the work of building confidence to be…
 
One of the best ways to grow our confidence and build relationships is by learning how to be admit and be "wrong" when we are wrong. Our brain on default always wants to be right to protect our ego but this keeps us small and insecure. Listen as Heidi teaches the dangers of always needing to be "right" and questions to ask ourselves to see where we…
 
The fuel of change and growth is self-confidence, and to create this we need to know how to pivot from insecurity... to confidence... to self-confidence. Confidence looks to the past to what "have" I done in the past, where self-confidence looks to the future to define "who we want to be". Listen as Heidi teaches you two questions to ask yourself (…
 
In 1859, miners who had struck gold drown in the Royal Charter storm because they weighed their pockets and coats with gold to swim to shore. We have thoughts and beliefs that become like this gold - valuable in other situations - but the reason we drown and can't reach shore in life. Listen as Heidi gives many examples of thoughts that can be valu…
 
Sending a child off to college usually produces a lot of worry and stress for parents. All of the sudden we know so much less about what is going on for our child's life so, if left unmanaged, our brains will spiral and ruminate in this worry. Worry creates much unneeded negativity in our life which we project onto our children, feeding their own a…
 
Fear and hope are both motivators - we DO or DON'T do things from these emotions. Fear, though, keeps us stuck and is filled with scarcity, doubt and insecurity. Hope is a more anchored and confident emotion. Its important to know which emotion we are projecting to our teenagers because they will sense and absorb this energy. Learn the Fear or Hope…
 
Anger and the power it pretends to give us seems useful, but it rarely is. Anger is an escalated emotion coming from fear and other vulnerable emotions. When unchecked, our anger hurts us and our relationships. Listen as Heidi teaches you how to dismantle your anger, identify your fears, decide which anger is useful and re-anchor yourself to be the…
 
It sounds like a lovely thought - to want everyone to be happy - but this desire and thought can end up being a toxic thought that creates negativity and stress in us, if left unchecked. This thought then fuels us to emotionally gaslight other people by telling them they "shouldn't" be sad or having their negative emotional experience, instead of j…
 
"What's the difference between a life coach and a therapy" is a common question. Both professions help people improve their mental wellness, but there are very specific differences between a coach and a therapist. Both have unique tools in their toolbox and focus on different areas of our brain and life. Listen as Heidi teaches how this relates to …
 
We interpret someone making eye contact, smiling, introducing themselves, being willing to have difficult conversations as those coming from confidence. When we're trying to develop our own confidence, it is useful to visualize what other confidence people DO, what they SAY and then visualize ourselves doing the same. Listen as Heidi walks through …
 
Listen as Heidi explains about the background of her Lighten Up private membership for Mothers of Teenagers who want to gain more confidence and peace that they are making the right choices for their families. Lighten Up is for women who want less emotional and physical weight and want to feel more anchored in their self-esteem, emotions, and confi…
 
While it feels good to have other people support us when we face obstacles, are weak and need help, it feels BETTER when we know WE can be that support to ourselves. We have a deep inner grounding when we know WE have the ability to have our own back. Listen as Heidi gives several examples of what this looks like in our lives and the ripple effects…
 
The more uncomfortable emotions we are willing to feel in our life, the more growth we will experience. Handling uncomfortable conversations and situations builds confident, solid and respectful relationships with other people - but it starts with having our own solid self-confidence. Listen as Heidi gives examples of how to manage our thoughts and…
 
We all have a space in our mind and body where we can pause, identify our emotions and thoughts and then choose how we want to respond. Achieving our goals requires us to learn how to pause and create specific emotions. In this episode Heidi explains a tool called The Why Pause that helps clients learn to shift their default emotions to more useful…
 
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