We are the Galloping Abs Society: a group dedicated to discussing the weirdest, most mindbogglingly bizarre romance novels the world has to offer. The only rule: the books must be free on Amazon.
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Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sadist
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It's a Galloping Abs Society Holiday Special! We celebrate this magical time of the year with "Sleigh Bells Ring," by Jodie Griffin. Santa as a leather-clad dom in a BDSM scene with multiple reindeer shifters? We couldn't get more festive if we tried. Join us on this rollicking journey of Christmas-themed innuendo, very inventive sex toys, and some…
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The Flying Cunnilingus
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1:01:17
Following hot on the heels of our in-person, all together, (FOR THE FIRST TIME!) Palate Cleanser, we surround a table and a microphone to speak sweet, sweet words of fairy porn into your earholes. That's right, we're talking about "That Time I Banged A Fairy," by Vivica Snow! Listen as our excitement to be finally amongst each other overrides any s…
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Palate Cleanser #15 (We Do Madlibs!)
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21:58
For the first time in recorded history, the Galloping Abs Society members were in the same room! In celebration of this moment nineteen months in the making, we all participated in the greatest creative adventure possible: Madlibs. Listen in as we come up with four flawless tales of romance, drama, and genital euphemisms.…
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Are you ready to gallop off into the sunset? Join us on our quest as we discuss "Unicornia" by Grace Risata. It's a veritable unicorn-ucopia of adventure, thrills, chills, and--surprisingly--genuine hilarity. If you thought that was the worst unicorn pun you've heard all week, don't worry, we've got more! Plus, we bring in a bit of history as Tits …
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Did you think we were done with shifter books? Surprise! We talk about what might be our shiftiest one yet-- "Mounted By A Monster: Were-Puffer," by Mina Shay. Join us on a puffed-up journey filled with vapid characters, sudden plot bombs, disturbing anatomical transformations, and a cliffhanger that left us all feeling a bit deflated. Loins Havers…
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Palate Cleanser #14 (We Talk Shifters!)
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18:21
We've found ourselves in a tangled, dense jungle of shifter books, so to cleanse our palates, we talk about the animals we'd like to shift into. Which would be better, a dolphin or a duck? It turns out...neither, because they both suck. We also have a strange assortment of animal sex facts to tickle your fancies and turn your stomachs!…
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Just the Bear Shifter Necessities
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1:24:18
Are you ready for more shifter shenanigans? We were! In this episode, we hurl ourselves headfirst into “Bear Naked Yoga” by Blane Thomas, and experience a world of bear shifters, yoga instructors, more yoga, and more bear shifters. And is this...can it be?? We might have finally arrived at the land of Too Many Genital Euphemisms. Thankfully, Tits v…
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Palate Cleanser #13 (We Play Dungeons and Dragons!)
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44:36
How could we possibly cleanse our palates after reading the last book? By playing a short game of D&D, of course! Journey along with Tits, Lovemeat, and Loins as Thrusty takes them all on a heart-pounding quest of improvisation, role play, dice rolling, and dick jokes. They have a task, a little bit of luck, and a lot of gumption, but...will they s…
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Kobold-Hood, Prince of Thieves
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1:17:33
Put on your wizard’s hat, gather your adventuring party, and grab your Staff of Unrelenting Fluids—we’re reading “Lust of the Kobolds” by Dani Dundee! It’s a lizardy romp of mates, breeding, and fantasy creatures who share names with David Bowie characters. We geek out just a little bit, and Tits sends us all on a wonderful journey as she tells us …
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Palate Cleanser #12 (Vikings in Space Revisited!)
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21:43
Hold on to your butts, it's been over a year since our first episode! We celebrate the only way we know how: by revisiting our very first book, "A Viking's Peace." There's been a lot of change since that time, and a lot of weirdness, and a lot of smut. Some might say...too much smut. Not us, though. Come join us on a journey where we look back at w…
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Gather your wits and restrain your outrage as we discuss "Taking Kelsey" by Kelli Wolfe! This is a rough one, y'all. We know we've said that before, but this time we mean it. (Make sure to check the trigger warnings at the beginning.) If you can brave this story, you'll join us as we put on some of our most outrageous accents, learn a few facts abo…
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Palate Cleanser #11 (With Mariah Ankenman!)
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20:29
For this palate cleanser, we interview romance novelist Mariah Ankenman! We talk genital euphemisms, her entry into the smut world, get thirsty together, and she even shares some publishing secrets. Find Mariah: @mariahankenman
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Now With 10% More Glans!
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1:16:09
Buckle your seat belts and get ready for some man-on-man action, we're talking "Gay Bayou Shifter" by Tabatha Austin! We dive in to this swampy tale of love, lust, mates, and convenient alligators, and discuss how we shockingly had a very good time with this book. And, to top it off, Tits Von Fappington gives us a history of gators in the Louisiana…
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We're a-teasin'... We're hopefully a-pleasin'... We're....running out of rhymes because it's been a very long year and we're tired, but here's what to expect in season TWO!
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Too Many Tentacles, Not Enough Levels
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1:18:23
Well, we said we wanted more tentacles. And when we read "Katie Experiences: Slime Seduction" by Winifred LaCroix, we got more tentacles. Was this a good thing? Did we regret several of our past decisions that led up to this moment? Maybe! Follow along with us as we learn about Katie, a petite boyish programmer who gets accosted by a mountain of sl…
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Palate Cleanser #10 (With Momma McGee!)
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28:19
In this palate cleanser, we discuss each of our humble beginnings with the world of smut and erotica, with a very special guest: Momma McGee!
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Dr Tentacle and Mrs Hyde
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1:14:27
Get your lighthouses lit and your whistles wet, we're talking about "Tentacle Lord" by M. La Mer! The seas are pretty choppy for this one, dearest listeners. Settle in as we discuss unlikable characters and nonsensical plot devices, then see who can do the best 'Eddie Redmayne in Jupiter Ascending' impression. Plus, we express our displeasure at ho…
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C-o-m-e the Chupacabra
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1:05:18
It's a Galloping Abs Halloween spectacular! In celebration of all things spoopy, we discuss Ffion Rhys's "Come the Chupacabra." It's a tale as old as time: girl meets boy on an Anthropology trip to Mexico, someone in the tour group gets murdered, and everyone gets boned by Chupacabras. We talk Chupa history, this book's mildly racist overtones, and…
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In this mini-sode, we talk about the things that haven't sucked lately! Namely, TV shows, a hack-and-slash video game, books, and a brand new vibrator.
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We plumb the depths of the bonkers and bizarre in this episode as we read "Lick-Her Clean: A Taboo, First-time Lesbian, Robotic Bartending Arm Threesome Erotica" by Misty Miles. It's a fast-paced jaunt filled with strangely southern Las Vegans, vaguely described robots, and more nonsensical euphemisms than you can shake a stick (or a robotic arm) a…
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To cleanse our palates this time, we talk the one, the only, the creator of Space Raptor Butt Invasion and the original purveyor of fine erotica himself: Chuck Tingle! We share with you all we know, which isn't much, and all the things we adore about this human, which is a lot.
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Protective Cyborg Daddies
1:22:36
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1:22:36
**Note: This episode does not actually contain cyborg fathers.** Want to feel protected while experiencing the oppressive attentions of three overbearing partly-humans in a mildly sci-fi environment?? Welcome to "Three of a Kind" by Susan Hayes, book four of the Drift series! Join us on a chaotic journey through some heavy plot, looming evil corpor…
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Come one, come all: it's a Galloping Abs retrospective! In this mini-sode, we discuss all of the books we've read thus far. Pirates, Vampires, Vampirates, Shifters, Vikings! Join us as we take a journey down memory lane. How much do you remember?? How much do we remember?? And can we count past four??? (Answers: Probably not much; definitely not mu…
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Nobody Expects A Midnight Dong
1:23:41
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1:23:41
OHboy. In this episode, we discuss "Alpha's Blood," by Renee Rose and Lee Savino. The book is a galloping ride of BDSM, vampires, Monty Python references, and the cheesiest drama we've ever read. Also, shockingly, one of us really enjoyed it.
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In this mini-sode, we discuss things in our lives that aren't irritating or awful: books, podcasts, and a dog.
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