132: Do You Suck At Apologies? Here Are 4 Steps To Healing Hurts With Your Spouse

IMbetween Podcast on Marriage, Parenting, Faith, and Everything In Between

Why is it so hard to say, "I'm sorry?" If you’ve been married longer than a week, you’ve probably already realized that there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. You will have disagreements, misunderstandings, hurt feelings, or trust broken. Making mistakes is what makes us human. But, when you’ve hurt your spouse, knowing the right way to apologize makes all the difference. True apologies strengthen your relationship and bring you closer together, not further apart. That’s why we want to give you 4 steps to healing hurts with your spouse by learning the art of apologizing.

An Important Note:

Before we dive in, we do want to note that some mistakes are bigger than others. Sometimes saying sorry is not enough, especially if there is a big betrayal like an affair. If you are walking through this journey, these 4 steps are a good start, but we highly recommend counseling both for you as a couple, and also as individuals. There is much more that needs to be worked through than we have time to discuss today.

Apologizing is About Repairing Connection:

Knowing you’ve hurt the one you love feels awful, right? And it may feel quite frustrating when it seems like whatever you do or say makes things worse. "I said I’m sorry! What else do you want?!" Apologizing to your spouse and healing your relationship involves more than just saying “I’m sorry.” It’s about repairing your connection. As Dr. John Gottman, says, “Successful relationships master the art of apology.”

Knowing how to apologize well is one of the keys to successful relationships. It’s not about accepting the blame for something. But, instead, it’s about acknowledging and responding to your spouse’s emotional pain. You can and should be accountable, but as we talked about in last week’s episode about boundaries, everyone is responsible for their emotional reactions.

Relationships are a tender dance that can have many stepping on toes moments from both dance partners. But, by knowing how to apologize well, these "stepping on toes" moments can go from hurting each other to learning to work together and repair your emotional connection.

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